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Professional athletes like footballers are overpaid. To what extent do you agree?

Professional athletes like footballers are overpaid. pgWy
Sports are considered to be an essential component of society where people indulge in physical activities by cooperating with one another. Many cynics believe that people who play professional sports are overcompensated. However, I completely disagree with this idea as I believe that the reverse stands true, wherein athletes are usually underpaid. Firstly, professionals who play sports like football are constantly training and working hard as they devote more time to football than any other aspect of their life. They endure the pain of separating from their family, as they sacrifice their time for football. Their dedication and skill completely outweigh the salary they receive for their training because they are poorly paid. The Ministry of Sports in Nepal reported that only 15% of the country’s capital was allocated for these professionals, while the remaining were assigned for other expenses. Additionally, these professionals were not even provided with health insurance nor pensions. Hence, to reason that these players are overpaid sounds preposterous with all the given findings. Secondly, football represents a nation and carries the sentiment of people, especially during big games like the Olympics. They unify the nation and its citizens as they share their love for the game and the country. This is a big responsibility for these players since they carry the emotions of the entire country, not forgetting to mention the tough training they receive while they prepare for such events. To quantify their responsibility by arguing about their wages simply undermines our sports heroes. Recently, it was stated that many players who won big games had to donate half of their income to charities and the administrative committee that managed to host those events. Undisputedly, we can now deduce that football players are not paid more than what they deserve. To sum up, football players are not paid in excess like some people assume. Hence, I believe that the work that they put for their craft while respecting the emotions of people, is disregarded by many for all the reasons stated above.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
are considered
to be an essential component of society where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
indulge in physical activities by cooperating with one another.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
cynics believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are overcompensated
.
However
, I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as I believe that the reverse stands true, wherein athletes are
usually
underpaid.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
who play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
are
constantly
training and working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
as they devote more time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
than any other aspect of their life. They endure the pain of separating from their family, as they sacrifice their time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
. Their dedication and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
completely outweigh the salary they receive for their training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
poorly
paid. The Ministry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
in Nepal reported that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15% of the country’s capital
was allocated
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, while the remaining
were assigned
for other expenses.
Additionally
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
were not even provided with health insurance nor pensions.
Hence
, to reason that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are overpaid sounds preposterous with all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
findings.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
represents a nation and carries the sentiment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
during
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
games like the Olympics. They unify the nation and its citizens as they share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for the game and the country. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
responsibility for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
since they carry the emotions of the entire country, not forgetting to mention the tough training they receive while they prepare for such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. To quantify their responsibility by arguing about their wages
simply
undermines our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
heroes. Recently, it
was stated
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
who won
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
games had to donate half of their income to charities and the administrative committee that managed to host those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Undisputedly
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
deduce that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are not paid more than what they deserve.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are not paid in excess like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assume.
Hence
, I believe that the work that they put for their craft while respecting the emotions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
is disregarded
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
for all the reasons stated above.

IELTS essay Professional athletes like footballers are overpaid.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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