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Problems and Solutions of going online too much

Problems and Solutions of going online too much 7r696
There is no doubt that in this day and age a number of young people have an inclination to spend much of their time going online through social media such as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter instead of engaging in outdoor activities. Some individuals are apprehensive that the mental health of young people can be tremendously effected by exposing to social media excessively. This essay will examine the problems caused using large amount of time going online and offter some potential solutions to address this tendency. From an overall perspective, surfing the Internet most of time per day will pose a threat to mental health. First of all, excessive Internet use may prevent youngsters from having face-to-face interation with friends and family members for a long time. As a result, youngsters can be lack of communication skills which, in turns, leads to high level of loneliness, isolation and anxiety. Secondly, the increased of screen time online can have an adverse impact on the sleep quality and memory because brainwave such as alpha and beta waves can be affected by exposure to radiations mobile waves. As a consequence, if young people exposure to mobile waves before going to sleep, they may face sleep disorders and tiredness. Nevertheless, there are some available solutions to tackle this problem. Firstly, parents should manage the time their children use mobile phones by encouraging them to take part in outdoor activities and socialize with others instead of sitting in front of computers or using mobile phones. As a result, they can be more active and energetic. Secondly, many schools should focus on teaching young peple about the effects of radiation from technological devices on memory and brain in order to enhance their knowledge. By virtue of schools’ efforts, students are able to raise their awareness positively and proactively and avoid being depressed and anxious caused by screen time. In conclusion, it must be said that excessive Internet use of young generation has become a complex issue with no easy solutions. All things considered, I firmly believe that parents and schools should take responsibilty to motivate and educate their children how to protect their mental health. If young people follow these instructions, they will go a long way towards solving problmes caused by excessive media use.
There is no doubt that in this day and age a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an inclination to spend much of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
going online through social media such as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
instead
of engaging in outdoor activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals are apprehensive that the mental health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
tremendously
effected by exposing to social media
excessively
. This essay will examine the problems caused using large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
going online and
Possible spelling mistake found.
offter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential solutions to address this tendency.

From an
overall
perspective, surfing the Internet most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
per day will pose a threat to mental health.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, excessive Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
youngsters from having face-to-face
Possible spelling mistake found.
interation
with friends and family members for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
As a result
, youngsters can be lack of communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which, in turns, leads to high level of loneliness, isolation and anxiety.
Secondly
, the increased of screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
online can have an adverse impact on the sleep quality and memory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
brainwave such as alpha and beta waves can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by exposure to radiations mobile waves. As a consequence, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exposure to mobile waves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to sleep, they may face sleep disorders and tiredness.

Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
available solutions to tackle this problem.
Firstly
, parents should manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile phones by encouraging them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in outdoor activities and socialize with others
instead
of sitting in front of computers or using mobile phones.
As a result
, they can be more active and energetic.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools should focus on teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
peple
about the effects of radiation from technological devices on memory and brain in order to enhance their knowledge. By virtue of schools’ efforts, students are able to raise their awareness
positively
and
proactively
and avoid
being depressed
and anxious caused by screen time.

In conclusion
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be said
that excessive Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation has become a complex issue with no easy solutions. All things considered, I
firmly
believe that parents and schools should take
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsibilty
to motivate and educate their children how to protect their mental health. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow these instructions, they will go a long way towards solving
Possible spelling mistake found.
problmes
caused by excessive media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
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IELTS essay Problems and Solutions of going online too much

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
378 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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