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Prevention is better than cure. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Prevention is better than cure. with this statement? Y2MMQ
The measures to prevent a disease are known to be cheaper than putting in research and treating a disease and for this fact some people think that “Prevention is better than cure”. However, while I agree that some diseases can be prevented by taking essential steps, I believe that some diseases are inevitable. With regards to the prevention, there are many steps an individual can take to safeguard themselves by certain diseases such as AIDS. As many of of know that it is a deadly disease and can be transmitted due to multiple reasons, for instance usage of same syringes on individuals, not using a condom during intercourse, and so on. By taking precautions it can be prevented as it is a known fact that the Doctors or Microbiologists are yet to find a cure for this life-threatening disease and the cost involved for survival is steep so the only way to deal with it is to take precautionary steps. On the other hand, there are some diseases that are inescapable and can not be prevented under any circumstances. Cardiovascular diseases such as heart failure, strokes and some type of cancers are some of the examples of non preventable diseases. The number of heart-attacks has increased massively in the recent past and has left everything scratching their heads to find of the reasons behind it. Some people believe that the major reason behind this is the rising levels of pollution which is affecting the health of man kind. As human beings, we do not realize how pollution is affecting our cardiovascular health; therefore, it can not be prevented. In conclusion, although there are many diseases that are preventable by making changes in our lifestyle, eating habits, sleeping patters etc. , there are diseases that are inevitable and can not be prevented. The Government should realize the impact of pollution and should take necessary steps to save man kind from the fatal diseases caused by it.
The measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
are known
to be cheaper than putting in research and treating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
and for this fact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that “Prevention is better than cure”.
However
, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by taking essential steps, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are inevitable.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the prevention, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
steps an individual can take to safeguard themselves by certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as AIDS. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible typo: you repeated a word
of of
know that it is a deadly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
and can
be transmitted
due to multiple reasons,
for instance
usage of same syringes on individuals, not using a condom during intercourse, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. By taking precautions it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
as it is a known fact that the Doctors or Microbiologists are
yet
to find a cure for this life-threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
and the cost involved for survival is steep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to deal with it is to take precautionary steps.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that are inescapable and can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
under any circumstances. Cardiovascular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as heart failure, strokes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
type of cancers are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
examples of
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non preventable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. The number of heart-attacks has increased
massively
in the recent past and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
everything scratching their heads to find of the reasons behind it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the major reason behind this is the rising levels of pollution which is affecting the health of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
kind. As human beings, we do not realize how pollution is affecting our cardiovascular health;
therefore
, it can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that are preventable by making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in our lifestyle, eating habits, sleeping patters etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that are inevitable and can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should realize the impact of pollution and should take necessary steps to save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
kind from the fatal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
caused by it.
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IELTS essay Prevention is better than cure. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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