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Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Music is one of the best invention in the history of mankind. There are wide variety of music created and listened across the length and breadth of the world. Music became an essential part of human's life and each country has it's own traditional form of music. This essay articulates the importance of music and also draws comparison between different forms of music majorly traditional and International music. On this 21st Century, where science and technology are at its peak, people are continously running towards betterment of their life in terms of career, and growth. This has resulted in stress among the major community of people and they are looking for an alternate way to calm their minds. Music is one such activity which soothes the minds of people and make them calm and composed. Also, music is playing a major role in treating wide variety of diseases. For instance, multiple health organisations conducted surveys on the effect of music in patients and they all agreed to the fact that, hearing music on a daily basis has drastically improved the patient's health and also the recovery rate is increased by 10%. Due to these reasons, people should be exposed to one or the other forms of music such as listening, playing etc. Each country has its own traditional form of creating, playing and listening music. For example, India is a musical country, where the entire life, from birth to death will be expressed in musical formats. Major life events like marriage, giving birth to young ones, family functions are having their own forms of playing music which is rooted and linked to their native culture. On the other hand, most people started listening to International music, which is most popular nowadays. For instance, no other celebrities in the world are having such huge fan base as Michael Jackson does, ho is an internationally acclaimed Pop musician. However, each country has it's own music culture and most musicians are considering it as their identity. This essay has thrown some lights on the importance of music and why people need it. In my opinion, traditional music is more important than International music as the first one is linked to its cultural identity and people are not ready to leave their rooted music.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is one of the best invention in the history of mankind. There are wide variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
created and listened across the length and breadth of the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
became an essential part of human's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. This essay articulates the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
also
draws comparison between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
majorly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
and International music.

On this 21st Century, where science and technology are at its peak,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
continously
running towards betterment of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in terms of career, and growth. This has resulted in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
among the major community of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they are looking for an alternate way to calm their minds.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is one such activity which soothes the minds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them calm and composed.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a major role in treating wide variety of diseases.
For instance
, multiple health
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
conducted surveys on the effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
patients and
they all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to the fact that, hearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
on a daily basis has
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the patient's health and
also
the recovery rate
is increased
by 10%. Due to these reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be exposed
to one or the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
such as listening,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
etc.

Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of creating,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
and listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
For example
, India is a musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, where the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, from birth to death will
be expressed
in musical formats. Major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like marriage, giving birth to young ones, family functions are having their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which
is rooted
and linked to their native culture.
On the other hand
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
listening to International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, which is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
popular nowadays.
For instance
, no other celebrities in the world are having such huge fan base as Michael Jackson does, ho is an
internationally
acclaimed Pop musician.
However
, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
culture and most musicians are considering it as their identity.

This essay has thrown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lights on the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need it. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as the
first
one
is linked
to its cultural identity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their rooted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
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IELTS essay Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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