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population of older people in three countries

population of older people in three countries na1e
It is thought that Social media websites, for instance Facebook, has affected enormous number of people and communities negatively in a dramatic way. I totally agree with the given statement as i feel, public these days go through depression and waste a lot of time while using social networking sites. Daily use of social media sites have created a great amount of anxiety and stress which leads to depression in the minds of an individual. For example, if a person is not satisfied with his present life and then goes through a friend Facebook profile where he looks at his happy images which in turn can create stress full thoughts and make him more sad about his own life, therefore increasing his feelings of anxiety. Not only social media sites distracts a person from his day to day life but also an individual can waste a lot of time on these sites. For instance, rather than completing an important task in a day, a person can waste his precious time on Facebook and get distracted. To summarize, social media sites have a drastic effect on many individuals and society members in a very negative way which can create numerous problems in their life.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
websites,
for instance
Facebook, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
enormous number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and communities
negatively
Consider replacing "in a dramatic way" with the adverb for "dramatic"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a dramatic way
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement as
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
feel, public these days go through depression and waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time while using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites.

Daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have created a great amount of anxiety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
which leads to depression in the minds of an individual.
For example
, if a person is not satisfied with his present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and then goes through a friend Facebook profile where he looks at his happy images which in turn can create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
full thoughts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him more sad about his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
therefore
increasing his feelings of anxiety.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
distracts a person from his
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
an individual can waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
For instance
,
rather
than completing an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
task in a day, a person can waste his precious time on Facebook and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted.

To summarize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have a drastic effect on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals and society members in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way which can create numerous problems in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay population of older people in three countries

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
203 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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