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Importance should be given to academic subjects by school . Music and sports should not be as subject . Do you agree or Disagree ? Give reasons and Examples of your answer.

Importance should be given to academic subjects by school. Music and sports should not be as subject. Give reasons and Examples of your answer. 8N6B
Education plays significant role in children's life. Education is most important part to raise a child, by giving them education they become a great person. Nowadays, education is become must activity for children. Parents put their children's in school to get education. In school all subjects are equally important for children. Only give an importance on core subjects not on music and sports. I completely disagree with that statement. Reasons for disagreement are given in ensuing paragraphs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
plays significant role in children's life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part to raise a child, by giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
they become a great person. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
activity for children. Parents put their children's in school to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In school all subjects are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for children.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
give an importance on core subjects not on music and sports. I completely disagree with that statement. Reasons for disagreement are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in ensuing paragraphs.
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IELTS essay Importance should be given to academic subjects by school. Music and sports should not be as subject. Give reasons and Examples of your answer.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
77 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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