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Population of old age people are getting increased.

Population of old age people are getting increased. XqeKO
Many nations around the globe has more life expectancy rate as compared to early ages. I deem, it has benefits and drawbacks both, which I would delineate in further paragraphs along with relevant examples. To embark with the positive side, deterioration in the death rate of old folks in luring symbol of good standard of living in healthy way. This shows the development of country in health and hygiene sector along with medical facilities and technologies. Moreover, aged group people are an asset for a family. In the light of the fact, they are more responsible than young ones. In other words, in this modern era, parents are swamped in their career and work. Consequently, grandparents take care of home and grandchildren in an effective and efficient manner. As a side note, their sense of hearing is, which leads to the safety and security of the place. However, Government have to invest in them after retirement such as, providing them pension with other benefits. Moreover, old individuals need extra care in every aspect especially in medical terms, which is a extra expenditure for them. Owing to the fact, of more healthy life of older generation leads to unemployment. Infact, they retire late as they were in past, say the age criteria changed from 60 to 70, so the adults do not get chance in reputed companies. No need to explain that experience matters a lot with qualifications for them. In conclusion, every coin has both sides. Old aged people do have their pros and cons for society, but I opine they are the incredible asset for every nation not a liability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
nations around the globe has more life expectancy rate as compared to early ages. I deem, it has benefits and drawbacks both, which I would delineate in
further
paragraphs along with relevant examples.

To embark with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, deterioration in the death rate of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
folks in luring symbol of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
standard of living in healthy way. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the development of country in health and hygiene sector along with medical facilities and technologies.
Moreover
, aged group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are an asset for a family. In the light of the fact, they are more responsible than young ones.
In other words
, in this modern era, parents
are swamped
in their career and work.
Consequently
, grandparents take care of home and grandchildren in an effective and efficient manner. As a side note, their sense of hearing is, which leads to the safety and security of the place.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
The singular proper name 'Government' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
to invest in them after retirement such as, providing them pension with other benefits.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
individuals need extra care in every aspect
especially
in medical terms, which is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
extra expenditure for them. Owing to the fact, of more healthy life of older generation leads to unemployment.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Infact
, they retire late as they were
Did you mean: "in the past"?
in past
, say the age criteria
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from 60 to 70,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the adults do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance in reputed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. No need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that experience matters a lot with qualifications for them.

In conclusion
, every coin has both sides.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do have their pros and cons for society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I opine they are the incredible asset for every nation not a liability.
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IELTS essay Population of old age people are getting increased.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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