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Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.15

Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. with this opinion? v. 15
Common occasions like competition for the world championship or intercontinental athletic matches are important in simplifying global strain and releasing nationalistic sentiments in a secure approach. Most people would agree that there are both positive and negative aspects of sporting meetings. Although there is a problem in gathering people, overall, I believe there are more benefits. First, I would like to discuss some of the beneficial effects of the athletic tournament. The first benefit of sporting event is that it can unite people. Since we can watch competitions together, then people can be intercommunicating. In my opinion this is the most significant thing about sporting matches. Another positive aspect is that athletic occasion is a sign that people are equal and it can help to bring people together. There are numerous competitions such as FIFA and historical matches, for example, which assembled more people, and is always a useful for nation’s attitude. There are also negative issues with global athletic events. One of the most significant problem is it causes people to mess up. When many people gather at the same time and in the same place, it can make people angry and then it is clear that disorder will also start. There have been many examples through disorder of people such as Olympic games, in this game many nations will gather and there will be chaos. As you can see, there are clearly both positive and negative issues regarding that worldwide sporting meetings, but I feel very strongly that it can be relieving intention and releasing patriotic concern. I think that international athletic occasion is advantageous now, and I believe that it will continue to be useful in a safe way into the future.
Common occasions like competition for the world championship or intercontinental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletic
matches are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in simplifying global strain and releasing nationalistic sentiments in a secure approach. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of sporting meetings. Although there is a problem in gathering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
overall
, I believe there are more benefits.

First
, I would like to discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
beneficial effects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletic
tournament. The
first
benefit of sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is that it can unite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Since we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
competitions together, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be intercommunicating. In my opinion this is the most significant thing about sporting matches. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletic
occasion is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are equal and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together. There are numerous competitions such as FIFA and historical matches,
for example
, which assembled more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and is always a useful for nation’s attitude.

There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
issues with global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. One of the most significant
Please check whether a plural form of 'problem' should be used.
problem
is it causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to mess up. When
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gather at the same time and in the same place, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
angry and then it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that disorder will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
. There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples through disorder of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
, in this game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations will gather and there will be chaos.

As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, there are
clearly
both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
issues regarding that worldwide sporting meetings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strongly
that it can be relieving intention and releasing patriotic concern. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletic
occasion is advantageous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, and I believe that it will continue to be useful
Consider replacing "in a safe way" with the adverb for "safe"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a safe way
into the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. with this opinion? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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