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popular event like football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

If you look international athletes with the glasses of optimistic person, you can see the magic pills, emotion and unity, otherwise, you will see the war I halves agree with this opinion. And I want to describe it into two parts, one for optimism. Other for pessimism. Form the intro. If you look with the perspective of optimistic person. “Sport is the magic pills” pills in the name of athletic competition have hidden power. In which improve your health more than using nutrition food, heal your mental more effective than using fulox (the name of fluoxetine, one kind of mental pills) and corporate with the brave of nations, the feeling of heat about competition’s temperature and the dream that athlete in motherland (or you) will achieve a gold medal, that’s all you can see, can get and can feel among all time you compete. But if you look at the international sporting with a pessimistic view. Surely, you can see “the war”. War have irregular form, sports is one type of war. Sport was used to ravish the dominion between the two countries. (Or more than two countries) for a long time. If we look back at the cultural roots of various sports, it will be found that they have close relationship to military and war. The values of patriotism arise from this circumstances which urged their country to be independent, unable to be occupied and their hometown must be greater than everyone. Only the winner will be praised. Loser will be busted or be killed. Even we will not see war again later. But the thirst for victory is still alive. You can see athletes supporting for Ministry of Tourism and Sports. And special support winner from Thailand at Olympic, Asian games, SEA games or University Athletes. This can be expected to see the Thai flag be drawn to the top of the center pole of the competition for again and again. Therefore, it would not be an exaggeration that “Sport is a model of war. And International Sporting is the model of international war”
If you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
with the glasses of optimistic person, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the magic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pills
, emotion and unity,
otherwise
, you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the war

I
The pronoun 'I' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "halve"
halves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion. And I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
it into two parts, one for optimism. Other for pessimism.

Form the intro.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
with the perspective of optimistic person.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“Sport
is the magic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pills”
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pills
in the name of athletic competition have hidden power. In which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your health more than using nutrition food, heal your mental more effective than using
Possible spelling mistake found.
fulox
(the name of fluoxetine, one kind of mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pills)
and corporate with the brave of nations, the feeling of heat about competition’s temperature and the dream that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
in motherland (or you) will achieve a gold medal, that’s all you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
and can feel among all time you compete.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting with a pessimistic view.
Surely
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
“the war”.

War
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "has".
have
irregular form,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is one type of war.

Sport was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to ravish the dominion between the two countries. (Or more than two countries) for a long time. If we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
back at the cultural roots of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, it will
be found
that they have close relationship to military and war.

The values of patriotism arise from
Did you mean "these"?
this
circumstances which urged their country to be independent, unable to
be occupied
and their hometown
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be greater than everyone.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
the winner will
be praised
. Loser will
be busted
or
be killed
.

Even we will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
war again later.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the thirst for victory is
still
alive. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
supporting for Ministry of Tourism and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
. And special support winner from Thailand at Olympic, Asian games, SEA games or University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Athletes
. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the Thai flag
be drawn
to the top of the center pole of the competition for again and again.
Therefore
, it would not be an exaggeration that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“Sport
is a model of war. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
Sporting is the model of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
war
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
”
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IELTS essay popular event like football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
345 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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