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Please choose one of the world problems that may worry you. Please write a paragraph (100-150 words) describing your outlook and attitude toward the problem and post it in the comment section before the class tomorrow.

Please choose one of the world problems that may worry you. Please write a paragraph (100-150 words) describing your outlook and attitude toward the problem and post it in the comment section before the class tomorrow. MqAxe
In the world nowadays, it has many problems that makes me worry when thinking about. But in my opinion, the most terrible problem is domestic violence. Family violence is a term that refers to violence between family members, which can include violence between current or former intimate partners, as well as acts of violence between a parent and a child, between siblings, and more. Behaviour towards victim can include limiting their access to finances, preventing them from contacting family and friends for help, demeaning and humiliating them and acts of physical violence. All outcomes above can harm for victims both physically and mentally. Indeed, the victims will have negative emotion and want to die if no one save them from family violence. It usually happened and almost perpetrators were men. Women and children are much more likely than men to experience violence. The perpetrators can include low income and unemployment, heavy alcohol or drug use, anger and hostility, social isolation, belief in strict gender roles, and history of abuse. Between 960, 000 and 3, 000, 000 incidents of domestic violence are reported each year, while many other incidents go unreported. It is estimated that more than half of divorces in Viet Nam, women and children are the victims of family violence. It can be hard to prevent the family violence is happening in the world. But if I think people have some solutions for it. Firstly, all of members in family must be listened and trusted each other. If two members have a conflict, they should talk instead of using physical actions can be harm for each other. Secondly, governments should found social organizations with purpose to help people who are the victims of domestic violence. Additionally, they can enact many laws to prohibit family violence happens. In conclusion, family violence will not be happened if people love each other and live in a peaceful atmosphere.
In the world nowadays, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me worry when thinking about.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my opinion, the most terrible problem is domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is a term that refers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, which can include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
or former intimate partners,
as well
as acts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
between a parent and a child, between siblings, and more.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Behaviour' is British English.
Behaviour
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victim
can include limiting their access to finances, preventing them from contacting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, demeaning and humiliating them and acts of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. All outcomes above can harm for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victims
both
physically
and mentally.
Indeed
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victims
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
emotion and want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
if no one save them from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. It
usually
happened and almost perpetrators were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. Women and children are much more likely than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
to experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. The perpetrators can include low income and unemployment, heavy alcohol or drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, anger and hostility, social isolation, belief in strict gender roles, and history of abuse. Between 960, 000 and 3, 000, 000 incidents of domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
are reported
each year, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
incidents go unreported. It
is estimated
that more than half of divorces in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam, women and children are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victims
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is happening in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions for it.
Firstly
,
Consider using "all members" or "all of the members".
all of members
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be listened
and trusted each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. If two members have a conflict, they should talk
instead
of using physical actions can be harm for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
found
social organizations with purpose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victims
of domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
Additionally
, they can enact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
laws to prohibit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
happens.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
will not
be happened
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a peaceful atmosphere.
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IELTS essay Please choose one of the world problems that may worry you. Please write a paragraph (100-150 words) describing your outlook and attitude toward the problem and post it in the comment section before the class tomorrow.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
316 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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