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playing video games versus outdoor activities

playing video games versus outdoor activities kgdm8
Many people believe that participating in outdoor activities for children, is more important than playing video games. As someone's personality and social skills may be shaped and formed with society, I think it is more useful to go out and play real games with other children. Besides, doing physical activity will help to hygiene and healthiness. In the next few paragraphs, I will be explaining my point of view. Despite the other creatures, human is a social animal. Many of our skills and abilities are developed in the relation to each other. For instance, team working is one of them that can be improved in outdoor games which will be beneficial for future life. Another example will be making contact with other children who have different families or different behavior and was born in different situations. It does not need to mention that have a relationship with others may provide circumstances for everyone in his/her life. In contrast, playing video games individually causes one to be more lonely with a lack of social abilities. Furthermore, engaging in outdoor games has some merits to anyone's health. By doing physical activities the body will stay healthy while playing video games has no mobility. I am not trying to deny the usefulness of video games such as creativity, but I believe that the disadvantages of video games outweigh the advantages. wrapping it up, I do believe that families should encourage their children to go out and do physical activities and on the other hand, make some limitations for playing video games during the week.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that participating in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for
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children
, is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
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playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. As someone's personality and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
may
be shaped
and formed with society, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is more useful to go out and play real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with
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other
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children
.
Besides
, doing physical
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activity
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to hygiene and healthiness. In the
next
few paragraphs, I will be explaining my point of view.

Despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
creatures, human is a social animal.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities
are developed
in the relation to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
For instance
, team working is one of them that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which will be beneficial for future life. Another example will be making contact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
families or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
behavior and
was born
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations. It does not need to mention that have a relationship with others may provide circumstances for everyone in his/her life.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
individually
causes one to be more lonely with a lack of social abilities.

Furthermore
, engaging in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits to anyone's health. By doing physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
the body will stay healthy while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has no mobility. I am not trying to deny the usefulness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as creativity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
outweigh the advantages.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
wrapping
it up, I do believe that families should encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to go out and do physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limitations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
during the week.
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IELTS essay playing video games versus outdoor activities

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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