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Playing a musical instrument is the most important achievement for any child. Personal Opinion, agree or disagree? v.2

Playing a musical instrument is the most important achievement for any child. Personal Opinion, agree or disagree? v. 2
A statement issues that it is the most impressive attainment for every child when they demonstrate ability to tune a musical instrument. However, I tend to disagree with this argument due to some plausible reasons, which I will explain why in this essay. On the one hand, it might be said that skill to play wonderful music is tremendous achievement due to its benefits. Firstly, performance on musical instrument could offer children to gain cognitive benefits, such as reading and listening skills. For example, in order to beat the time signature that whether note should be played or lyric should be sung, when learning musical instrument, musicians should constantly read and comprehend sheet music; besides, they also have to intently listen not only to instruction but also for rhythm, pitch and speed. Secondly, it is possible for children to adopt positive attitude, because learning to play a musical instrument would stimulate constant process of learning for children to be taken place in daily live. This could be taken towards how musicians learn constantly to tune instrument, in which they should listen avidly with Infinite patience. Conversely, in my perspective, playing a musical instrument could be disadvantageous for children. The processes to learn to play music, including listening instrument, reading sheet music, understanding time signature and tuning note, allows a significant amount of time. Children thus would have inappropriate time to study in terms of educational objective that any child should pursue. Moreover, not all children enjoy greatly music. I am certain that the benefits above would not probably be gained if a child had a passive interest in music, meaning that kids cannot just take a seat and listen to the instrument in order to acquire ability to play a musical instrument. As a result, for those kids who have other passions, it is more essential to engage in other pursuits, such as active sport which is advantageous for not only children’s cognition or attitude but also their physical health. In conclusion, in spite of the potential benefits, it is clear to me that achievement of a musical instrument not only could curb learning activities in terms of academic aims but also should not be compulsory for any child.
A statement issues that it is the most impressive attainment for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
when they demonstrate ability to tune a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
.
However
, I tend to disagree with this argument due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
plausible reasons, which I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in this essay.

On the one hand, it might
be said
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
wonderful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is tremendous achievement due to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
.
Firstly
, performance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
could offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to gain cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
, such as reading and listening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, in order to beat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
signature that whether note should
be played
or lyric should
be sung
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
, musicians should
constantly
read and comprehend sheet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
;
besides
, they
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
intently
listen not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to instruction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for rhythm, pitch and speed.
Secondly
, it is possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to adopt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
would stimulate constant process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
be taken
place in daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. This could
be taken
towards how musicians learn
constantly
to tune
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
, in which they should listen
avidly
with Infinite patience.

Conversely
, in my perspective, playing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
could be disadvantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The processes to learn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, including listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
, reading sheet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
signature and tuning note,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
a significant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
thus
would have inappropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to study in terms of educational objective that any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should pursue.
Moreover
, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoy
greatly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. I am certain that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
above would not
probably
be gained
if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
had a passive interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, meaning that kids cannot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
take a seat and listen to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
in order to acquire ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
.
As a result
, for those kids who have other passions, it is more essential to engage in other pursuits, such as active sport which is advantageous for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
cognition or attitude
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their physical health.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to me that achievement of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
could curb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
activities in terms of academic aims
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
should not be compulsory for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Playing a musical instrument is the most important achievement for any child. Personal Opinion, agree or disagree? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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