Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Playing a musical instrument is one of the most important achievements for any child. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Playing a musical instrument is one of the most important achievements for any child. qoaP
The topic of playing a musical instrument is still widely debated nowadays, with some people claiming that it is indeed one of the most important achievements for any child. However, I personally do not entirely accept this, and I will explain why in this essay. Firstly, music is important, as well as sports, arts, dancing, and so on, most important is one’s interest. In other words, the decision of what they learn should depend on the child as above are all crucial achievements. For instance, children might interest in martial arts, bodybuilding, painting, or even video games instead of playing musical instruments. Parents should support all interests and habits without discrimination regardless of the field and categories. What’s more, the gene varies between individuals, children might feel forced if learning a musical instrument is mandatory. For example, if a child is forced to learn guitar 8 hours a week, he/ she won’t feel enjoyable. Conversely, he/she might get against learning guitar after a certain time. Not to mention the cost of lectures, but it has negative effects on children, especially mentally. Lastly, achievements shouldn’t be limited to hard skills like playing a musical instrument or painting. Soft skills like teamwork or time management are essential achievements as well. As the fact that children can practice team-building skills, leadership and social skills by joining sports teams such as soccer, basketball or hockey teams. Besides, children can learn time management skills by participating in project management courses or case study groups. Hence, soft skills should be considered important achievements. I do appreciate that some people think differently, saying that playing a musical instrument is not only a hard skill but also can help children to build up patient Nevertheless, I feel that other activities like painting or sports can replace playing a musical instrument, and children can achieve an equal or better result if they enjoy what they learn.
The topic of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
is
still
widely
debated nowadays, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claiming that it is
indeed
one of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievements
for any child.
However
, I
personally
do not
entirely
accept this, and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in this essay.

Firstly
, music is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
,
as well
as sports, arts, dancing, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
is one’s interest.
In other words
, the decision of what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
should depend on the child as above are all crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievements
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might interest in martial arts, bodybuilding, painting, or even video games
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
. Parents should support all interests and habits without discrimination regardless of the field and categories. What’s more, the gene varies between individuals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might feel forced if learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
is mandatory.
For example
, if a child
is forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
guitar 8 hours a week, he/ she won’t feel enjoyable.
Conversely
, he/she might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
against learning guitar after a certain time. Not to mention the cost of lectures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
mentally.

Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievements
shouldn’t
be limited
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
or painting. Soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like teamwork or time management are essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievements
as well
. As the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can practice team-building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, leadership and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by joining sports teams such as soccer, basketball or hockey teams.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
time management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by participating in project management courses or case study groups.
Hence
, soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
be considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
achievements.

I do appreciate that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
differently
, saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to build up patient
Nevertheless
, I feel that other activities like painting or sports can replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can achieve an equal or better result if they enjoy what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Playing a musical instrument is one of the most important achievements for any child.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts