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place. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

place. To what extent do you agree or disagree? keobn
It is true that careers are considered as the most vital parts of human life. Personally, I agree with this view of point, however, there are other essential constituents besides working that need to be considered. There are various factors why people assume the most important thing in their life. Firstly, occupation is frequently used to evaluate a person is successful or not. Working in a gigantic company or owning a business means people success in their job. This can be easily demonstrated by a number of cases of executive leaders of enormous corporations who become everyone’s standard. Secondly, having a job often becomes people's target and brings the meaning of life. That is why people attach much importance to work hard. However, I consider that working is not always the main component. Not all people can achieve their dream job when they grow up, and hence there are workers who find themselves suffer in boring, monotonous when they are working. As a result, those people have to find happiness in other components of their’s life to intercept the blueness. There are a plethora of things to take care about such as relationships, hobbies, health, or pursuing their passions. Moreover, paying too much attention to tasks will bring adverse impacts on mental and physical health, especially cause stress and insomnia. That is why people should equilibrate the number of workloads and daily stuff in their life. Last but not least, it is comprehensible why people prioritize work times, however, I believe it will be better if people appropriate some times to take care of themselves.
It is true that careers
are considered
as the most vital parts of human
life
.
Personally
, I
agree
with this view of point,
however
, there are other essential constituents
besides
working
that need to
be considered
.

There are various factors why
people
assume the most
important
thing in their
life
.
Firstly
, occupation is
frequently
used
to evaluate a person is successful or not.
Working
in a gigantic
company
or owning a business means
people
success in their job. This can be
easily
demonstrated by a number of cases of executive leaders of enormous corporations who become everyone’s standard.
Secondly
, having a job
often
becomes
people
's target and brings the meaning of
life
.
That is
why
people
attach much importance to work
hard
.

However
, I consider that
working
is not always the main component. Not all
people
can achieve their dream job when they grow up, and
hence
there are workers who find themselves suffer in boring, monotonous when they are
working
.
As a result
, those
people
have to
find happiness in other components of
their’s
life
to intercept the blueness. There are a plethora of things to take care about such as relationships, hobbies, health, or pursuing their passions.
Moreover
, paying too much attention to tasks will bring adverse impacts on mental and physical health,
especially
cause
stress
and insomnia.
That is
why
people
should equilibrate the number of workloads and daily stuff in their life.

Last
but
not least, it is comprehensible why
people
prioritize work times,
however
, I believe it will be better if
people
appropriate
some
times to take care of themselves.
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IELTS essay place. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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