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Physical Education: yes or no?

Physical Education: yes or no? M3LYN
While it is supported to the appearance of Physical Education in school timetables, there is evidence that it should take seriously for academic disciplines. In the following essay, justifications for both schools of thoughts will be discussed, along with my perspective. On the one hand, there is little doubt that the increasing over-weight that children experience is owning to the phenomenon of the addiction to video games and mobiles. As a consequence, the presence of sports genres in school schedules is deemed as overwhelmingly imperative and extremely urgent. What is more, some physiological research has shown that work-out is more likely to enhance academic achievement. Alternatively, those less academically minded will probably have a radical opportunity to search other career paths which are not thoroughly relevant to STEM subjects. On the other hand, the growing catastrophe of labour markets and a wide range of demands for theoretical sectors such as doctors, engineers has led prodigious individuals to not discount such core disciplines as trivial with aspirations to be gainfully employed. Otherwise, some debates is purely about the one in charge of children’s fitness who should be parents, not educational bodies. On balance, it is a long-held notion that academic subjects should be paid much more attention. Be that as it is, physical education must occupy a part of children’s school life. I am convinced that striking a balance between work-out and knowledge acquirement must be managed, hence the need for merging physical education into school arrangement.
While it
is supported
to the appearance of Physical Education in
school
timetables, there is evidence that it should take
seriously
for academic disciplines. In the following essay, justifications for both
schools
of thoughts will
be discussed
, along with my perspective.

On the one hand, there is
little
doubt that the increasing over-weight that children experience
is owning
to the phenomenon of the addiction to video games and mobiles. As a consequence, the presence of sports genres in
school
schedules
is deemed
as
overwhelmingly
imperative and
extremely
urgent.
What is more
,
some
physiological research has shown that work-out is more likely to enhance academic achievement.
Alternatively
, those less
academically
minded will
probably
have a radical opportunity to search other career paths which are not
thoroughly
relevant to STEM subjects.

On the other hand
, the growing catastrophe of
labour
markets and a wide range of demands for theoretical sectors such as doctors, engineers has led prodigious individuals to not discount such core disciplines as trivial with aspirations to be
gainfully
employed.
Otherwise
,
some
debates is
purely
about the one in charge of children’s fitness who should be parents, not educational bodies.

On balance, it is a long-held notion that academic subjects should
be paid
much more attention. Be that as it is, physical education
must
occupy a part of children’s
school
life. I
am convinced
that striking a balance between work-out and knowledge acquirement
must
be managed
,
hence
the need for merging physical education into
school
arrangement.
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IELTS essay Physical Education: yes or no?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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