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the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages

the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages b2b33
Today, the advent of private healthcare has provided more choices when it comes to healthcare. Personally, I believe that when the healthcare service is owned and run by some bunch of money-makers, the disadvantage is more than the few advantages it offers. Firstly, private healthcare services are brought expensive medical expenses. Because the drugs aren’t paid by Health Insurance and cost for accompanying services. Such as when I went to the dentist to take out a tooth, I paid 500000 VND. But my friend who went to private healthcare paid 3 million VND. On the other hand, with the cost we spend, we will not get the quality of service we deserve. The doctor is not as good, in Vietnam experienced doctors work in public hospitals. The healthcare providers and insurance companies are always thinking about their bottom line, they even hire people without degrees or activity without a licence. But private healthcare services have a few advantages. They will reduce pressure on public hospitals. Public hospitals are usually overcrowded and underfunded which can put a lot of pressure on doctors, nursing staff and patients to recover quickly so that more people can be treated. When people choose private healthcare services it can help to reduce the burden on the public system. They will be suitable for those who are willing to pay for expensive medical services or wanna offer personalized care.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare has provided more choices when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to healthcare.
Personally
, I believe that when the healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
and run by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bunch of money-makers, the disadvantage is more than the few advantages it offers.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are brought
expensive medical expenses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the drugs aren’t paid by Health Insurance and cost for accompanying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. Such as when I went to the dentist to take out a tooth, I paid 500000 VND.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
my friend who went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare paid 3 million VND.
On the other hand
, with the cost we spend, we will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
we deserve. The doctor is not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, in Vietnam experienced doctors work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
hospitals. The healthcare providers and insurance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are always thinking about their bottom line, they even hire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without degrees or activity without a
Possible spelling mistake. 'licence' is British English.
licence
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
have a few advantages. They will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
hospitals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
hospitals are
usually
overcrowded and underfunded which can put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure on doctors, nursing staff and patients to recover
quickly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
be treated
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
system. They will be suitable for those who are willing to pay for expensive medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
or
The word 'wanna' is informal. Consider an alternative.
wanna
offer personalized care.
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IELTS essay the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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