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Physical education is better than academic education

Physical education is better than academic education 0ElRn
A number of people think that physical education should be included in all the classes of school-age children. On the other side, the rest of the people believe that academic subjects are important for children than physical education. Both the views are right in their own point of view. In terms including physical education classes, well, it's very important to learn about physical education. Because nowadays a wide number of people are suffering from physical issues. Moreover, 80% of people are dying from physical illnesses everyday and this happening because of our leaking of physical education. Thus, our next generation should be health-conscious and it only can be possible by giving them knowledge about physical education in their school. To give a clear example, if children get knowledge about physical education then they'll grow up in a health-conscious process and it'll help them to be aware of illnesses. In the course of academic subjects, nobody can deny that there's nothing more important than academic subjects in the school for children. Because without studying academic subjects children cannot grow their knowledge in each and every field. Therefore, children must invest their maximum time in academic subjects. In my opinion, our children need to learn physical education besides the academic subjects in their school but they should give their ample amount of time in the academic subjects a minimum number of time in the physical education. Such as in 5 days of school classes they can spend 4 days on academic subjects and 1 day on physical education. In conclusion, school-age children should gather knowledge about both of the fields academic subjects and physical education. Moreover, there's no chance to ignore any of them. end of the day both the subjects are equally important in their life.
A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
be included
in all the classes of school-age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. On the other side, the rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
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important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Both the views are right in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
point of view.

In terms including
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physical
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education
classes, well, it's
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very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
nowadays a wide number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
issues.
Moreover
, 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are dying from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
illnesses
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
and this happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of our leaking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Thus
, our
next
generation should be health-conscious and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can be possible by giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. To give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example, if
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
then they'll grow up in a health-conscious process and it'll
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be aware of illnesses.

In the course of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, nobody can deny that there's nothing more
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important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
without studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot grow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in each and every field.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
invest their maximum time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. In my opinion, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
besides
the
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academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should give their ample amount of time in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
a minimum number of time in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Such as in 5 days of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
classes they can spend 4 days on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and 1 day on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education.

In conclusion
, school-age
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children
should gather
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knowledge
about both of the fields
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Moreover
, there's no chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
any of them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
end
of the day both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in their life.
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IELTS essay Physical education is better than academic education

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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