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MANY PEOPLE LIVING IN THE CITIES DO NOT GET ENOUGH PHYSICAL EXERCISE. WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF THIS? HOW TO TACKLE THE PROBLEM?

MANY PEOPLE LIVING IN THE CITIES DO NOT GET ENOUGH PHYSICAL EXERCISE. WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF THIS? HOW TO TACKLE THE PROBLEM? 5aLEn
NOWADAYS, A HIGH NUMBER OF WORKING PEOPLE LIVING IN CITIES DO NOT GET ENOUGH PHYSICAL EXERCISE TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE WHICH IS LEADING TO MANY HEALTH PROBLEMS LIKE OBESITY, THIS CAN BE DUE TO MANY REASONS. SO, IN THIS ESSAY WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT ITS CAUSES AND WE CAN TACKLE THE PROBLEM. FIRSTLY, THE MAIN REASON FOR WORKING PEOPLE TO NOT HAVE ENOUGH PHYSICAL EXERCISE IS BECAUSE OF LONGER WORKING HOURS BECAUSE OF WHICH PEOPLE ARE NOT FINDING TIME TO WORK OUT AFTER REACHING HOME. HOWEVER, THIS PROBLEM CAN BE SOLVED IF THE OFFICE PREMISE CAN OFFER ITS EMPLOYEES PHYSICAL SESSIONS WITHIN THE WORKING HOURS THEN THIS PROBLEM CAN BE DEALT WITH. ANOTHER MAIN REASON FOR LESS PHYSICAL EXERCISE IS BECAUSE OF EXHAUSTION AND THEN PEOPLE CANNOT FIND ENOUGH PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STRENGTH TO WORKOUT. THEY WOULD RATHER SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY WITH THEIR FAMILY, PURSUING HOBBIES OR TENDING TO HOUSEHOLD CHORES. ON THE OTHER HAND, PHYSICAL FITNESS IS NOT SOMETHING THAT CAN BE IGNORED AS IT CAN HAVE LONG-TERM REPERCUSSIONS. TO AVOID THESE, EMPLOYERS SHOULD PROVIDE THE FACILITY OF GYM ON THEIR PREMISES SO THAT EMPLOYEES CAN SPARE SOME TIME TO WORK OUT AND CAN REFRESH THEMSELVES. IN THE LONG RUN, THIS WILL BENEFIT THE ORGANISATION AS WELL BY MAKING THEIR EMPLOYEES MORE PRODUCTIVE AT WORK, WHICH WILL HELP IN THE BETTERMENT OF THE WORKING ENVIRONMENT. MOREOVER, PEOPLE SHOULD ALSO SEAMLESSLY INCORPORATE EXERCISES IN THEIR ROUTINE BY OPTING TO TAKE THE STAIRS INSTEAD OF LIFT, TAKING SHORT BREAKS TO WALK AROUND THE OFFICE, OR SIMPLY JUST STANDING FOR SOME TIME WHILE WORKING. TO CONCLUDE, PEOPLE THEMSELVES HAVE TO REALISE THE BENEFIT OF A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE BY INCORPORATING EXERCISES AND MAKE EFFORTS IN THAT DIRECTION BY DOING A LITTLE BIT OF SMART WORK AND INITIATIVE ON PART OF ORGANISATIONS CAN ALSO CONTRIBUTE TO THE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL BEING IF THE SOCIETY AS A WHOLE.
NOWADAYS, A HIGH NUMBER OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORKING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
LIVING IN CITIES DO NOT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ENOUGH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PHYSICAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EXERCISE
TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE WHICH IS LEADING TO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
HEALTH PROBLEMS LIKE OBESITY, THIS CAN BE DUE TO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
REASONS.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
, IN THIS ESSAY WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT ITS CAUSES AND WE CAN TACKLE THE PROBLEM.

FIRSTLY
, THE MAIN REASON FOR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORKING
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PEOPLE
TO NOT HAVE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ENOUGH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PHYSICAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EXERCISE
IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF LONGER
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORKING
HOURS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF WHICH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
ARE NOT FINDING TIME TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
OUT AFTER REACHING HOME.
HOWEVER
, THIS PROBLEM CAN
BE SOLVED
IF THE OFFICE PREMISE CAN OFFER ITS EMPLOYEES
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PHYSICAL
SESSIONS WITHIN THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORKING
HOURS THEN THIS PROBLEM CAN
BE DEALT
WITH. ANOTHER MAIN REASON FOR LESS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PHYSICAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EXERCISE
IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF EXHAUSTION AND THEN
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PEOPLE
CANNOT FIND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ENOUGH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PHYSICAL
AND MENTAL STRENGTH TO WORKOUT. THEY WOULD
RATHER
SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY WITH THEIR FAMILY, PURSUING HOBBIES OR TENDING TO HOUSEHOLD CHORES.

ON THE OTHER HAND
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PHYSICAL
FITNESS IS NOT SOMETHING THAT CAN BE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
IGNORED
AS IT CAN HAVE LONG-TERM REPERCUSSIONS. TO AVOID THESE, EMPLOYERS SHOULD PROVIDE THE FACILITY OF GYM ON THEIR PREMISES
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
THAT EMPLOYEES CAN SPARE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
TIME TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
OUT AND CAN REFRESH THEMSELVES. IN THE LONG RUN, THIS WILL BENEFIT THE
Possible spelling mistake. 'ORGANISATION' is British English.
ORGANISATION
AS WELL
BY MAKING THEIR EMPLOYEES MORE PRODUCTIVE AT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
, WHICH WILL
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
IN THE BETTERMENT OF THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORKING
ENVIRONMENT.
MOREOVER
,
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PEOPLE
SHOULD
ALSO
SEAMLESSLY
INCORPORATE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EXERCISES
IN THEIR ROUTINE BY OPTING TO TAKE THE STAIRS
INSTEAD
OF LIFT, TAKING SHORT BREAKS TO WALK AROUND THE OFFICE, OR
SIMPLY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
JUST
STANDING FOR
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
TIME WHILE WORKING.

TO CONCLUDE
,
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PEOPLE
THEMSELVES
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
HAVE TO
Possible spelling mistake. 'REALISE' is British English.
REALISE
THE BENEFIT OF A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE BY INCORPORATING
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EXERCISES
AND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
EFFORTS IN THAT DIRECTION BY DOING A
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
LITTLE BIT
OF SMART
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
AND INITIATIVE ON PART OF
Possible spelling mistake. 'ORGANISATIONS' is British English.
ORGANISATIONS
CAN
ALSO
CONTRIBUTE TO THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PHYSICAL
AND MENTAL BEING IF THE SOCIETY AS A WHOLE.
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IELTS essay MANY PEOPLE LIVING IN THE CITIES DO NOT GET ENOUGH PHYSICAL EXERCISE. WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF THIS? HOW TO TACKLE THE PROBLEM?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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