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Physical education and sport

Physical education and sport 86Bex
It is widely known that exercises are essential for human’s heath and mood. And as a result, some people think that it necessary to include physical education as a part of learning process in all schools. I personally think that I rather agree with that, but a few exceptions, which I describe later. Why physical activities are important? Well, as mentioned before, sport is good for heath and mood. It helps our body to stay in shape, keeps our musculature developed and inner metabolism in organism is sustained on a stable manner, without fat deposits. The next reason why training is important – that healthy people will be more active and have a good endurance to struggle with depression /or diseases. On other hand, some students, well, might have sort of physical disabilities or problems with heart fro example, and therefore they should have training plans specially designed for them. As a result, some schools can simply expel sport for this kind of students. Furthermore, sport activities require some special equipment like organized playground with fence for football/basketball, skies in case of alpine skiing during winter, swimming pool, gym and so on. At last, but not least physical education teacher must be very qualified, for instance he must know how to give first aid, show to perform trainings without risks/or make them lower. As a conclusion I want to admit, that the most of schools have good environment and teachers and a lot of children enjoy sport activities, especially activities with teams. So, physical education is very important and vital for teenagers, even with some exceptions.
It is
widely
known that exercises are essential for human’s heath and mood. And
as a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
necessary to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education as a part of learning process in all schools.

I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that I
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few exceptions, which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
later. Why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
? Well, as mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for heath and mood. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
our body to stay in shape,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
our musculature developed and inner metabolism in organism
is sustained
on a stable manner, without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
deposits. The
next
reason why training is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
that healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be more active and have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
endurance to struggle with depression /or diseases.

On other hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students, well, might have sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
disabilities or problems with heart
Did you mean "for" or "from"?
fro
example, and
therefore
they should have training plans
specially
designed for them.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schools can
simply
expel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
for this kind of students.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special equipment like organized playground with fence for football/basketball, skies in case of alpine skiing during winter, swimming pool, gym and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. At last,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
qualified,
for instance
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know how to give
first
aid,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
to perform trainings without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
/or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them lower.

As a conclusion I want to admit, that the
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the schools") or simply say "most schools".
most of schools
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
environment and teachers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
children enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with teams.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and vital for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, even with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions.

IELTS essay Physical education and sport

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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