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Nowadays parents often let their children play a lot with computers and tablets in order to improve their technological skills. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this practice?

Nowadays parents often let their children play a lot with computers and tablets in order to improve their technological skills. with this practice? XybK8
Today, some parents always want their children approach to computers and tablets so as to improve their skills in technology. In my opinion, this is a good way to help children become more intelligent because computers and tablets will play a pivotal role in every fields in near future. First of all, computers and tablets are successful inventions which can connect the children to the world. How can the children discover the world without computers or tablets? The technology is improving day by day, there are also too much useful thing on the Internet. Therefore, the children can surf and find what they want because of their curiosity. To verify that, the schools on the world now trend to teach students by practicing that means students have to have a lot of skills and knowledge. The computers will help them to do that work and the children will be more comfortable when they can stay at home and find it. In addition, when the students want to find high- paid jobs, they must have well- known technological knowledge. When the parents encourage their children to access in technology, they will help their children become more confident because it is very crucial for them to have fantastic performances at school or other activities. When I just a 5- year- old boy, because I lived in rural area, we didn't have condition to know and use computers. My father tried his best in buying for me a laptop and he taught me how to use them effectively. He also told he that I had to be good at using this equipment if I want to be a smart person. Thanks to his effort, when I went to city to learn and have some exams here, I was not more backward than other students. To summarize, computers and tablets have too many advantages which the children can take to improve their lifeskills and expand their imaginations. I also think that there must be many encouragements from the goverments in educating students with computers or other technological devices.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
approach to computers and tablets
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in technology. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become more intelligent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
computers and tablets will play a pivotal role in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "field"?
fields
in near future.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, computers and tablets are successful inventions which can connect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the world. How can the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
discover the world without computers or tablets? The technology is improving day by day, there are
also
too much useful thing on the Internet.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can surf and find what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their curiosity. To verify that, the schools on the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
trend to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by practicing that means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge. The computers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to do that work and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be more comfortable when they can stay at home and find it.

In addition
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to find high- paid jobs, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have well- known technological knowledge. When the parents encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to access in technology, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become more confident
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for them to have fantastic performances at school or other activities. When I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a 5- year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
boy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in rural area, we didn't have condition to know and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers. My father tried his best in buying for me a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
laptop and
he taught me how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
effectively
. He
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
he that I had to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at using this equipment if I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be a smart person. Thanks to his effort, when I went to city to learn and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exams here, I was not more backward than other students.

To summarize
, computers and tablets have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can take to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
lifeskills
and expand their imaginations. I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
encouragements from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverments
in educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with computers or other technological devices.
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IELTS essay Nowadays parents often let their children play a lot with computers and tablets in order to improve their technological skills. with this practice?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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