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Personality trait : who do you most admire? explanation and give the reason

Personality trait: who do you most admire? explanation and give the reason 8doNV
I’ll go for B who do you most admire? why? For me The most admired people for me is Greta Thunberg, She’s an environmental activist She is the voice of the people she is the voice of the children in around the world From her project about the global warming It is a big issue right now for example in the big country and many industries Have released a lot of pollution, destroys the atmosphere. However many leaders around the world didn’t look into those issues right now, from the COP26 summit in Glasgow, Scotland she went to protest to want the leaders to take action more in this problem. She is Dedicated responsible and sensible For fighting for all of the problems for the children
I’ll go for B who do you most admire?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
why
?

For me The most admired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for me is Greta Thunberg, She’s an environmental activist She is the voice of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
she is the voice of the children in around the world From her project about the global warming It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issue right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
for example
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
country and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industries Have released
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pollution,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
the atmosphere.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
leaders around the world didn’t look into those issues right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, from the COP26 summit in Glasgow, Scotland she went to protest to want the leaders to take action more in this problem. She
is Dedicated
responsible and sensible For fighting for
Consider using "all the".
all of the
problems for the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
children
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IELTS essay Personality trait: who do you most admire? explanation and give the reason

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
125 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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