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an international sport event for a country

an international sport event for a country 0ERxn
One of the popular event for around the world is an international sport event which have one country is chosen to be the host in every period. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of being chosen in this popular event. There are two advantages if the event is held in one country. Firstly, the event is so popular and directly introduce this country to around the world. For example, in 2010 South African is chosen to be host for the most prestigious event for all the globe, The FIFA World Cup. Because of this event, many people have interest in African country. Secondly, the country will get more income from the event because people around the globe come to visit and attend this event. For instance, the citizen will take a part the event in many kind of job and also become a merchant or ticket seller that will rise their income. On the other hand, the popular event give the bad impact for the country. The garbage from this big agenda become a serious issue from the government and it's make them have to work hardly to reduce this issue getting worse. Moreover this impact will become boomerang for the government if the problem can not be solve soon and around the world aware about it. In conclusion, becoming a host country for a big event will give the positive side especially in introducing the country and increasing income to the citizen. However, the government should think seriously about how to recycle and reduce the waste of the event
One of the
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popular
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event
for
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around
the
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world
is an international sport
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event
which have one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is chosen
to be the host in every period. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
being chosen
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.

There are two advantages if the
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event
is held
in one
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country
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
and
directly
introduce this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
For example
, in 2010 South African
is chosen
to be
Consider using a past participle here: "hosted".
host
for the most prestigious
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event
for all the globe, The FIFA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Cup.
Because of this
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event
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have interest in African
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country
.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more income from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the globe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to visit and attend this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
.
For instance
, the citizen will take a part the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
in
Possible agreement error. The noun kind seems to be countable; consider using: "many kinds".
many kind
of job and
also
become a merchant or ticket seller that will rise their income.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
give the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. The garbage from this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
agenda become a serious issue from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
The adverb 'hardly' is usually put before the verb 'work'.
work hardly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this issue getting worse.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
this impact will become boomerang for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
if the problem can not be
Consider using a past participle here: "solved".
solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
aware about it.

In conclusion
, becoming a host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
will give the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side
especially
in introducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and increasing income to the citizen.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
seriously
about how to recycle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the waste of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event

IELTS essay an international sport event for a country

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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