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personal statement for bristol

personal statement for bristol pJ2OD
We wake up in the morning and we decide what to wear or what to eat. Most of us think we make choices because of who we are. Actually, we become who we are by making choices since we were born just because we are the creative force of our life. Due to born in a technology age, I have always been involved with technology while growing up. For instance, my cousin had been working on computers since he was young, and eventually he became an engineer. Meanwhile, he taught me the binary digit system, loops, flowchart and so on… Currently, I am working on C++ programming. However, to be honest, my ability for C language is much better, but I believe that I will improve my C++ language skill as well. Moreover, the fact that my parents were math teachers has always led me to think logically, I realized that I was always carrying out my actions by setting up an algorithm involuntarily in my brain. Also, the most important factor that determined my choices was my extracurricular activities such as MUN, TED Talks. At one of my MUN, I was in the Futuristic Council and did a lot of research on humanoids and their software. At that time, there was not much research on this area in Turkey, unfortunately we are still behind in this regard. I also closely follow new developments in this constantly advancing field. For example, Turkey’s first robot actress Aypera started to shoot a movie in this May. There are many engineers in Aypera’s development team, and my dream is that one day my name will be among these successful people. Because people cannot be ambitious in the topics which they really do not interested in, I believe that computer science is the best field to be studied with enthusiasm without losing my sense of curiosity for me. I would like to be among you in Computer Science 2021 class. As Einstein believed, it is useless to pile up information without processing, we ought to process and give time to breathe. When I was in 3rd grade, I started playing guitar and my school band used to give concerts in our city. In high school, I was founded the first women soccer team and became the 3rd in the district. On the other hand, I have 6. 5 points from the IELTS which I took in March, I have already been familiar with English from a supremely young age through my parents. Also, thanks to my mother who was born in Germany, I could improve my German. However, I could not have any German proficiency due to restrictions. While in the USA etc. , I was impressed by foreign students who can stand on their own feet. I found that studying abroad is more beneficial in terms of self-development and self-confidence. Also, these observations have been extremely useful for me to understand that our system is very different from my expectations. Being successful both socially and academically was immensely tough in our conditions. Due to long hours lessons, we do not have time to decide our choices and in the end, we find ourselves as a different person from the one we actually want to be. England has lots of benefits of multiculturalism such as various notions because of people from all over the world. As someone who grew up in country where it is very difficult to think independently, I would like to see opportunities that UK will offer me. Also, it is irrefutably obvious that it will be hard to accomplish my aims alone, I should be in a team from individuals with dynamic spirits like me. I might likewise want to encounter the joy of studying in a school where I can get a circle that will keep me from losing my energy and push me to improve my skills. Due to the increasing number of unemployed graduates in Turkey, it is nearly 4 million in 2020, students cannot focus enough on their lessons through concern of finding a job. However, your university boasts a very high employment rate with 92% as The Guardian. As you mentioned in your webpage, Bristol is one of the safest universities which is important matter to think about for my family before I go to an university. Due to mention causes above, I firmly believe that UK and University of Bristol will keep me away from stress and allow me to focus on my education.
We wake up in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
morning and
we decide what to wear or what to eat. Most of us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
we are. Actually, we become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
we are by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
since we
were born
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are the creative force of our life.

Due to born in a technology age, I have always
been involved
with technology while growing up.
For instance
, my cousin had been working on computers since he was young, and
eventually
he became an engineer. Meanwhile, he taught me the binary digit system, loops, flowchart and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on…
Currently
, I am working on C++ programming.
However
, to be honest, my ability for C language is much better,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my C++ language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
as well
.
Moreover
, the fact that my parents were math teachers has always led me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
logically
, I realized that I was always carrying out my actions by setting up an algorithm
involuntarily
in my brain.
Also
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor that determined my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
was my extracurricular activities such as MUN, TED Talks. At one of my MUN, I was in the Futuristic Council and did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
research on humanoids and their software. At that time, there was not much research on this area in Turkey, unfortunately we are
still
behind in this regard. I
also
closely
follow new developments in this
constantly
advancing field.
For example
, Turkey’s
first
robot actress
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aypera
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to shoot a movie in this May. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
engineers in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aypera
’s development team, and my dream is that one day my name will be among these successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot be ambitious in the topics which they
really
do not interested in, I believe that computer science is the best field to
be studied
with enthusiasm without losing my sense of curiosity for me. I would like to be among you in Computer Science 2021
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

As Einstein believed, it is useless to pile up information without processing, we ought to process and give time to breathe. When I was in 3rd grade, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
playing guitar and my school band
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to give concerts in our city. In high school, I
was founded
the
first
women soccer team and became the 3rd in the district.
On the other hand
, I have 6. 5 points from the IELTS which I took in March, I have already been familiar with English from a
supremely
young age through my parents.
Also
, thanks to my mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was born
in Germany, I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my German.
However
, I could not have any German proficiency
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to restrictions.

While in the USA etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
I
was impressed
by foreign students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can stand on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
feet. I found that studying abroad is more beneficial in terms of self-development and self-confidence.
Also
, these observations have been
extremely
useful for me to understand that our system is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from my expectations. Being successful both
socially
and
academically
was
immensely
tough in our conditions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to long hours lessons, we do not have time to decide our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
and in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, we find ourselves as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
person from the one we actually want to be.

England has lots of benefits of multiculturalism such as various notions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from all over the world. As someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
grew up in country where it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
independently
, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
opportunities that UK will offer me.
Also
, it is
irrefutably
obvious that it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to accomplish my aims alone, I should be in a team from individuals with dynamic spirits like me. I might
likewise
want to encounter the joy of studying in a school where I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a circle that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
me from losing my energy and push me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to the increasing number of unemployed graduates in Turkey, it is
nearly
4 million in 2020, students cannot focus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
on their lessons through concern of finding a job.
However
, your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
boasts a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high employment rate with 92% as The Guardian. As you mentioned in your
Possible spelling mistake found.
webpage
, Bristol is one of the safest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
matter to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about for my family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I go to
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to mention causes above, I
firmly
believe that UK and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Bristol will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
me away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to focus on my education.
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IELTS essay personal statement for bristol

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
750 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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