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People who have illnesses by themselves should have to pay more for health care or not ?

People who have illnesses by themselves should have to pay more for health care or not? ORKk3
It is ture that unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets would cause some illnesses for people. But I do not agree with the opinion that these people should pay more for health care. Firstly, people who have unhealthy lifestyles are mostly young adults, and most of them have just graduated from univerisities, which means that they are more or less facing various problems, such as stress from jobs, burdens of paying housing loans and other issues related to common life. Those issues force them to work hard or stay up, which contribute great proportion to unhealthy lifestyles. What the society should do is to decrease their burdens instead of forcing them to pay more for their health care. Secondly, as the development of globalization and the fast rhythm of modern society, people prefer processed meanls rather than cooking traditional ones. Those meals taste good but include deficient nutritions, which causes illness to people. Avoiding to enjoy those processed meanls is definitely a premier choice, but most people can not get rid of their additions to those meals. In contrast, they can achieve their goals step by stey instead of getting rid of them at one go. Finally, compared with forcing people who have unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets to pay more for their health care, rehabilitations of them to correct their unhealthy lifestyles is more important. For example, local health care centers could invite people to participate in some activities or educational reports hosted by qualified doctors. By taking part in those activities, people could learn some professional knowledges about health as well as build their own healthy lifestyles and improve the quality of their diets in common life. In conclusion, paying more for health care is likely to be a kind of penalty which might have some positive impact on people, and in my view, introducing healthy theories to people in their usual life far outweigh penalty.
It is
Possible spelling mistake found.
ture
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
and poor diets would cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illnesses for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should pay more for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
are
mostly
young adults, and most of them have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
graduated from
Possible spelling mistake found.
univerisities
, which means that they are more or less facing various problems, such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from jobs, burdens of paying housing loans and other issues related to common life. Those issues force them to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
or stay up, which contribute great proportion to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
. What the society should do is to decrease their burdens
instead
of forcing them to pay more for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care.

Secondly
, as the development of globalization and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
rhythm of modern society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer processed
Possible spelling mistake found.
meanls
rather
than cooking traditional ones. Those meals taste
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
include deficient
Possible spelling mistake found.
nutritions
, which causes illness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
The verb 'Avoiding' is used with the gerund form: "Avoiding enjoying".
Avoiding to enjoy
those processed
Possible spelling mistake found.
meanls
is definitely a premier choice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of their additions to those meals.
In contrast
, they can achieve their goals step by
Possible spelling mistake found.
stey
instead
of getting rid of them at one go.

Finally
, compared with forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
and poor diets to pay more for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care, rehabilitations of them to correct their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
For example
, local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care centers could invite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities or educational reports hosted by qualified doctors. By taking part in those activities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professional
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as well
as build their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of their diets in common life.

In conclusion
, paying more for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care is likely to be a kind of penalty which might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and in my view, introducing healthy theories to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their usual life far outweigh penalty.
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IELTS essay People who have illnesses by themselves should have to pay more for health care or not?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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