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People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. with this opinion? VXp3
Healthcare costs all over the world are rising due to the rise in modern diseases which are a product of unhealthy lifestyles. These Lifestyles include poor diet, smoking and lack of exercise. While many people do not need to use medical services, there are others who constantly need medication due to their unhealthy daily lives. In my view people who are responsible for their own illness should have to contribute towards the cost of their medical treatment. First of all, it is important to highlight the fact that ignorance is not an excuse. Information about health and fitness is widely available so everyone should know that smoking and eating fast food are not only bad for our health, but can cause serious diseases. Furthermore, there is a wide range of help services which people can consult for advice on improving their health from doctors to sports trainers and dieticians. People who continue to live unhealthy lifestyles despite advice from doctors or medical professional should not receive free or reduced cost medical services. Secondly, it is clear that certain types of treatment are very expensive and some diseases can be prevented by adopting a healthy lifestyle. If people who are obese require treatment, they are taking money away from another patient, whose operation or treatment may be costly, but necessary. Therefore, it could be a good solution to make people pay some money towards the cost of their treatment. If their health improved, this payment could be reduced. In conclusion, making people contribute towards the cost of medical treatment for self-inflicted diseases could help reduce this type of disease and make more money available for other people.
Healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
all over the world are rising due to the rise in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which are a product of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lifestyles
include poor diet, smoking and lack of exercise. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
services, there are others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
constantly
need medication due to their unhealthy daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In my view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are responsible for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
illness should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
contribute towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatment.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to highlight the fact that ignorance is not an excuse. Information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and fitness is
widely
available
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
everyone should know that smoking and eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can cause serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
Furthermore
, there is a wide range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
services which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can consult for advice on improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
from doctors to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "sport".
sports
trainers and
Possible spelling mistake found.
dieticians
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
despite advice from doctors or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
professional should not receive free or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
services.

Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that certain types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by adopting a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are obese require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
, they are taking money away from another patient, whose operation or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
may be costly,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
necessary.
Therefore
, it could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
. If their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, this payment could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

In conclusion
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contribute towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
for self-inflicted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money available for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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