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Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children? QXNy
In today´s world, technology has developed very much and it has made it very easy for young children to play video games. Firstly, video games have changed so much, providing now an amazing quality of video, sound and interactions. This has taken the attention from a lot of young people, as feeling attracted to that and they have gone into the video game's world. Video games can help release stress in some young people as they disconnect from the reality that is producing stress on them. It can be beneficial too, improving the creative part of the person giving them a massive range of new pictures, colours and design. They can be good too as a sharing activity between family members or friends helping them connect with the people around them. In the other hand, it is necessary to say that there is all type of video games on the market adding the very violent and aggressive ones. This could interfere with the children’s development and mark settles types of negative behaviours. However, other problems can appear from the abuse use of video games. Many young children are addicted to them, producing the opposite effect, as I have had mentioned before. There end up isolating from everyone affecting all his life. Furthermore, they can make some children have a corrupted idea of reality if they start playing some adults video games too soon. To sum up, video games have two sides, where we find advantages and disadvantages and where both aspects need to be taken into mind, it is important to be aware of this, so young people can play with them taking only the beneficial points on them.
In
The character between 'today' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "today’s" (curly apostrophe) or "today's" (straight apostrophe).
today´s
world, technology has developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much and it has made it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy for
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
games.

Firstly
,
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video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much, providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
an amazing quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
, sound and interactions. This has taken the attention from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, as feeling attracted to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
that and
they have gone into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game's world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they disconnect from the reality
that is
producing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on them. It can be beneficial too, improving the creative part of the person giving them a massive range of new pictures,
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
and design. They can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
too as a sharing activity between family members or friends helping them connect with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them.

In the other hand, it is necessary to say that there is all type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on the market adding the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
violent and aggressive ones. This could interfere with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development and mark settles types of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.

However
, other problems can appear from the abuse
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are addicted
to them, producing the opposite effect, as I have had mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. There
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up isolating from everyone affecting all his life.
Furthermore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a corrupted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of reality if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have two sides, where we find advantages and disadvantages and where both aspects need to
be taken
into mind, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be aware of this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can play with them taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the beneficial points on them.
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The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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