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People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. with this opinion? PoLw
Some Individuals think that persons who led unhealthy lifestyles must spend much more money on the medical assistance of themself than people who looking for their health. In this essay let's try to discuss this issue and decide is this statement right? Firstly, in the present society is very popular to be healthy, humans for more and more often start to think about health and a huge quantity of fitness centers or programs help them on that way. However, besides the growth of fame for a healthy lifestyle Secondly, the modern health care system becomes more and more expensive and nowadays diseases are more complicated than it was in the past due to this fact humanity spending more finances for medical support. In conclusion, I agree with the position when people fully responsible for their health and if they deliberately do not maintain health, as an example eating junk food do not do sports or any activities for the own support they must spend more on medicine.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that persons who led unhealthy lifestyles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend much more money on the medical assistance of
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who looking for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In this essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's try to discuss this issue and decide is this statement right?

Firstly
, in the present society is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular to be healthy, humans for more and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and a huge quantity of fitness centers or programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them on that way.
However
,
besides
the growth of fame for a healthy lifestyle

Secondly
, the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system becomes more and more expensive and nowadays diseases are more complicated than it was in the past due to this fact humanity spending more finances for medical support.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the position when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
fully
responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and if they
deliberately
do not maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, as an example eating junk food do not do sports or any activities for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
support they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend more on medicine.

IELTS essay People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
167 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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