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People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some believe that people who lead an unhealthy way of life, should be made accountable by paying more for their subsequent healthcare, but I strongly disagree with this position for the reasons discussed below. Although there are people who lead an unhealthy lifestyle and could easily change it, there are many more people who are forced to eat poorly and do not get enough sleep. In other words, in many cases unhealthy lifestyle is not a choice. Many people who have a low income, facing various problems, such as stress from jobs, burdens of paying housing loans and other issues related to common life. Those factors force them to work hard or stay up until late night, which contribute great proportion to unhealthy lifestyles. Doctors, for instance, usually are sleep-deprived and skip meals because of their work schedule. Thus, in the majority of cases, people lead unhealthy lifestyles through no fault of their own. Furthermore, almost in all countries alcohol, cigarettes and junk food are freely available. Also, there are plenty of McDonald's or any other fast food restaurants commercials on TV as well as movies where people drink and smoke. At the same time, people could rarely see commercials for salads and healthy food. And if there is a some kind of propaganda of unhealthy lifestyle, it will lead people to a temptation. That is why, countries in which alcohol, cigarettes and many fast-food restaurants are provided, people should not be extra charged for their unhealthy lifestyles. In conclusion, I am convinced that making people contribute towards the cost of medical treatment for self-inflicted diseases would not help in reducing bad habits and leading an unhealty lifestyle, due to the reasons that some people can not afford to live in another way as well as there is a for of inclination towards this way of life.
Some
believe that
people
who
lead
an
unhealthy
way of life, should
be made
accountable by paying more for their subsequent healthcare,
but
I
strongly
disagree with this position for the reasons discussed below.

Although there are
people
who
lead
an
unhealthy
lifestyle
and could
easily
change
it, there are
many
more
people
who
are forced
to eat
poorly
and do not
get
enough
sleep.
In other words
, in
many
cases
unhealthy
lifestyle
is not a choice.
Many
people
who
have a low income, facing various problems, such as
stress
from jobs, burdens of paying housing loans and other issues related to common life. Those factors force them to work
hard
or stay up until late night, which contribute great proportion to
unhealthy
lifestyles
. Doctors,
for instance
,
usually
are sleep-deprived and skip meals
because
of their work schedule.
Thus
, in the majority of cases,
people
lead
unhealthy
lifestyles
through no fault of their
own
.

Furthermore
, almost in all
countries
alcohol, cigarettes and junk food are
freely
available.
Also
, there are
plenty
of McDonald's or any other
fast
food restaurants commercials on TV
as well
as movies where
people
drink and smoke. At the same time,
people
could rarely
see
commercials for salads and healthy food. And if there is a
some
kind of propaganda of
unhealthy
lifestyle
, it will
lead
people
to a temptation.
That is
why, countries in which alcohol, cigarettes and
many
fast
-food restaurants
are provided
,
people
should not be extra charged for their
unhealthy
lifestyles.

In conclusion
, I
am convinced
that making
people
contribute towards the cost of medical treatment for self-inflicted diseases would not
help
in reducing
bad
habits and leading an
unhealty
lifestyle
, due to the reasons that
some
people
can not afford to
live
in another way
as well
as there is a for of inclination towards this way of life.
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IELTS essay People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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