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People under the age 18 who commit crimes should be re-educated rather than punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

People under the age 18 who commit crimes should be re-educated rather than punished. with this opinion. YLRJ5
Nowadays, Juvenile crimes are become ordinary things, for example some teenagers steal something from others, or they join the gang to help promote improper borrowing or gambling. I think that all of the teenagers who commit crimes not have the advantage of good education make them be misled. So, I agree that people under the age 18 who commit crimes should be re-educated rather than punished. In addition, a good education can make those teenagers understand whether it is right or wrong to do something, whether can do it or not. Some of the teenagers will not obey even though be punished. On the contrary, if we punished more, it will become worst. Therefore, we can give him a chance to reform. The government must pay attention to this issue that they can be re-educated at first time Furthermore, they might be affected for their bad friends or be forced to do these. For example, the youth will prove their bravery after the bad friends encourage them to commit crimes. When we face about this case, there only one way to give a chance for them to reform through re-educated instead of punished them directly. In conclusion, they were a piece of blank sheet paper when they were born. How of the person they will be are related to their growth environment and education from their parents. Juvenile crimes closely related to society. People must pay attention on education instead of punished. They should be punished if they have been taught repeatedly
Nowadays, Juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are become
ordinary things,
for example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
steal something from others, or they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the gang to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
promote improper borrowing or gambling. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
who commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
not have the advantage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
be misled
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
under the age 18 who commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
should be re-educated
rather
than punished.

In addition
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
understand whether it is right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to do something, whether can do it or not.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
will not obey
even though
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punished
.
On the contrary
, if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punished
more, it will become worst.
Therefore
, we can give him a chance to reform. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay attention to this issue that they can be re-educated at
first
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
time


Furthermore
, they might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
friends or
be forced
to do these.
For example
, the youth will prove their bravery after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
friends encourage them to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. When we face about this case, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one way to give a chance for them to reform through re-educated
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punished
them
directly
.

In conclusion
, they were a piece of blank sheet paper when they
were born
. How of the person they will be
Consider using the past participle "been"?
are
related to their growth environment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from their parents. Juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
closely
related to society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay attention on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punished
. They should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punished
if they have
been taught
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
repeatedly
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IELTS essay People under the age 18 who commit crimes should be re-educated rather than punished. with this opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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