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People these days watch tv films alone do you thing that the advantages are outweigh than demerits

People these days watch tv films alone do you thing that the advantages are outweigh than demerits 2lQNw
Nowadays, individuals are giving to preferences to watch films and others programs alone instead of, with others. I personally believe that, demerits are outstrips than merits due to, this astray the people from path and people become self centred. To commence with, watching alone films astray the individuals from path. In other words, specially younger children who have not vast knowledge about right or wrong. Also, there is excessive violence in films and programmes which distract the peers when they watching alone. A survey conducted by Hardware University revealed that, humans who watch films alone were mostly violent in their behaviour owing to, right guidedeness. Consequently, crime rate will increase.  Furthermore, people can become self centred by watching movies alone. In addition, earlier people watch films together with family members and friends but, in today’s scanerio, numerous websites like, Netflix are available which encourage children to watch series alone. As a result, it weaken the relationships between family members. For pragmatic instance, in India 60% people are joined Netflix privately in recent years thus, demand for television are decreasing.  On the flip side, people can watch films and programs without any interruption as well as, according to their taste as, mostly in families every members have different choice. For example, in my nation’s aged people want that their children watched religious and scientific films rather than to, action and adventurous. Hence, watching alone films acquire satisfaction amongst people. In conclusion, people can become self centred as well as, distraction can be rise among youth which are the two disadvantages of watching films and programs alone that are increasing in these days.
Nowadays, individuals are giving to preferences to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
films
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
programs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
instead
of, with others. I
personally
believe that, demerits are outstrips than merits due to, this astray the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from path and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self centred
. To commence with, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
films astray the individuals from path.
In other words
,
specially
younger children who have not vast knowledge about right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Also
, there is excessive violence in films and
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
which distract the peers when
Did you mean "they're watching", "they are watching", or "they were watching"?
they watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
. A survey conducted by Hardware University revealed that, humans who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
films
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
were
mostly
violent in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
owing to, right
Possible spelling mistake found.
guidedeness
.
Consequently
, crime rate will increase.  
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can become
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self centred
by watching movies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
.
In addition
, earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
films together with family members and friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
scanerio
, numerous websites like, Netflix are available which encourage children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
series
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
.
As a result
, it
Did you mean "weakens"?
weaken
the relationships between family members. For pragmatic instance, in India 60%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
Netflix
privately
in recent years
thus
, demand for television are decreasing.  On the flip side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
films and programs without any interruption
as well
as, according to their taste as,
mostly
in families every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "member"?
members
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
choice.
For example
, in my nation’s aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want that their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
religious and scientific films
rather
than to, action and adventurous.
Hence
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
films acquire satisfaction amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can become
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self centred
as well
as, distraction can be
Consider using a past participle here: "risen".
rise
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
youth which are the two disadvantages of watching films and programs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
that are increasing in these days.
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IELTS essay People these days watch tv films alone do you thing that the advantages are outweigh than demerits

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
271 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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