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People take up jobs not only to find money to live but has other reasons to it. Following paragraphs analyze the different reasons why people do work.

People take up jobs not only to find money to live but has other reasons to it. Following paragraphs analyze the different reasons why people do work. kYWwK
Eventhough the main reason a person takeup jobs is to find money for their living but people often find job to improve their living conditions and to add more luxuries. In the past, living conditions were very poor and pathetic. Because people were not satisfied with the conditions which were present or offered to them, they looked for money to expand their luxuries. So they took up jobs to meet their conditions. Secondly, if you are doing the right work it will provide you with job satisfaction which is far more important than money. In case of doctors, when their patients is back to his or her life the gratification shown by the families towards him makes it more motivated and create an urge to work more. Moreover some people opt to work abroad to embrace new culture and to interact with new people. Also there is a high number of people who work to travel around the world. To add on, people consider work as an independent way to stand out in a society. It is a place where they get respect and get appreciated if job assigned is fulfilled. It create a sense of joy and be proud of oneself. For instance there are people who work 10 months of the year and enjoy 2 months by spending money on entertainments, sports and travel. To conclude the main motives to work depends on each person but it is not only for living but can be to improve luxuries and can be a passion. They may opt to work in their own country or consider.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eventhough
the main reason a person
Possible spelling mistake found.
takeup
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
conditions and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more luxuries. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
conditions were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor and pathetic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were not satisfied with the conditions which were present or offered to them, they looked for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to expand their luxuries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they took up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their conditions.

Secondly
, if you are doing the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
it will provide you with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction which is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In case of doctors, when their patients is back to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
life the gratification shown by the families towards him
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it more motivated and create an urge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
abroad to embrace new culture and to interact with new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there is a high number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to travel around the world. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as an independent way to stand out in a society. It is a place where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
respect and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
appreciated if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
assigned
is fulfilled
. It
Did you mean "creates"?
create
a sense of joy and be proud of oneself.
For instance
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
10 months of the year and enjoy 2 months by spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on entertainments, sports and travel.

To conclude
the main motives to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
depends on each person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
luxuries and can be a passion. They may opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country or consider.

IELTS essay People take up jobs not only to find money to live but has other reasons to it. Following paragraphs analyze the different reasons why people do work.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
266 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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