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People spent too much time on their work than their professional life and face time short

People spent too much time on their work than their professional life and face time short XGDrr
It is indeed true that working people devote too much time on the work rather than family time. However, there are several problems associated to this trend and some effective measure can be made to overcome the issue of less time both the point are discussed in the upcoming paragraph. There are several problems of doing more work. To begin, with the foremost one is the stress, Sole earner is the one who satisfy the desire of the family for that they work for longer hours or doing more than one job, this creates serious effect on their body. Too much pain on muscles and frequent headache and also sometime people face depression due to over stress all this lead to heart failure. Furthermore, spent too much time on office will impact on their social life like unable to devote time for their family, create dispute among them or unable to meet their friends and relative that affect their bonding. Furthermore, a few measures can be put in place to avoid such issue. To embark with, manage your time, To be specific, worker must try to improve their working performance and do the task more speedily with accuracy so that they do not need to overtime daily. Moreover, law should be made on the number of working hours so that employer cannot force to work more hour For instance, in developed countries, government has made a rule that employee cannot work for more than 40 hours per week only so that they can spend their family time and relax their time. To conclude all it is true that working in office is more important but it is also true that working professional must spend their time with their family also too make their bond stronger by improving their performance so that they complete the task on time and no need to do overwork daily.
It is
indeed
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
devote too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
, there are several problems associated to this trend and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effective measure can
be made
to overcome the issue of less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
both the point
are discussed
in the upcoming paragraph.

There are several problems of doing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, with the foremost one is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, Sole earner is the one who satisfy the desire of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
or doing more than one job, this creates serious effect on their body. Too much pain on muscles and frequent headache and
also
sometime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
face depression due to over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
all this lead to heart failure.
Furthermore
, spent too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on office will impact on their social life like unable to devote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, create dispute among them or unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their friends and relative that affect their bonding.

Two successive sentences begin with the same adverb. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
Furthermore
, a few measures can
be put
in place to avoid such issue. To embark with, manage your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, To be specific, worker
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
performance and do the task more
speedily
with accuracy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not need to overtime daily.
Moreover
, law should
be made
on the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that employer cannot force to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
For instance
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has made a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that employee cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for more than 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per week
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and relax their time.

To conclude
all it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in office is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
also
too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their bond stronger by improving their performance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they complete the task on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and no need to do overwork daily.
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IELTS essay People spent too much time on their work than their professional life and face time short

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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