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People spend too much time to fashion

People spend too much time to fashion bOKRB
Actually, humans waste time and money to fashion. I agree that, it is reflex for our life however, that is poisonous for parents because, they give money to childeren for buying modern items. To tell the truth, nowadays a lot of people wear clothes around modern items. In fact, people rule that style because, they want to be handsome or beatiful so, they buy most clothes of course, that productions are fashion. As far as I know, when something was a fashion, it's cost immiedetely increase. In that days white and yellow clothes are being fashion and their prices are expensive. When childeren wear around fashion, in that time that situations toxic for parents. It is seem that, if someone want to go around fashion as a result, he or she must be work at somewhere the reason of that, if you asked money much time from your parents after that their temper will decrease further, may be appear bad condition between you and parents. It is argue that, When you are going around fashion as a result, your money will reach to final and you haven't got any money for buying modern things meanwhile, if your freinds and neighbours saw your clothes were the same consequently, they laugh on you. That position is unpleasant for people. In my conculusion: The fashion is entertainment style. When you went around that theme, most people respect you however, when you haven't got money, if you wear the same large people laugh on yoh
Actually, humans waste time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that, it is reflex for our life
however
,
that is
poisonous for parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
childeren
for buying modern items.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the truth, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
modern items. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that style
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they want to be handsome or
Possible spelling mistake found.
beatiful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
of course
, that productions are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
. As far as I know, when something was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
, it's cost
Possible spelling mistake found.
immiedetely
increase. In that days white and yellow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
are being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and their prices are expensive. When
Possible spelling mistake found.
childeren
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
, in that time that situations toxic for parents. It is
Consider using a past participle here: "seemed".
seem
that, if someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
as a result
, he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be work at somewhere the reason of that, if you asked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
much time from your parents after that their temper will decrease
further
, may be
Consider using the past participle "appeared"?
appear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
condition between you and parents.

It is
Consider using a past participle here: "argued".
argue
that, When you are going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
as a result
, your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will reach to final and you haven't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for buying modern things meanwhile, if your
Possible spelling mistake found.
freinds
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
were the same
consequently
, they laugh on you. That position is unpleasant for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In my
Possible spelling mistake found.
conculusion
: The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
is entertainment style. When you went
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
that theme, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
respect you
however
, when you haven't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, if you wear the same large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
laugh on
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
yoh
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IELTS essay People spend too much time to fashion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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