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People spend too much on family celebrations such as birthdays and weddings? What are the importance of these celebration? Do you think people really spend too much?

People spend too much on family celebrations such as birthdays and weddings? What are the importance of these celebration? Do you think people really spend too much? 8p8P
In this contemporary world, people get celebrate every moments of their life. However, it is believed by people that spending extravagant money on events. This essay will highlight the importance of the events and reasons behind spending large amount of money. To commence with, there are multifarious importance of celebrating occasion. First and foremost is get-together with their family members and relatives. To explain it, In modern lifestyle, people work at different locations, so they live separate from their family. Moreover, all people meet on function such as weddings, birthdays as well as anniversaries. Therefore, if they spent some money on parties that is good for them. Besides this, individuals create long lasting memories in their life. When they recall memories, they get happy and emotional sometimes. Furthermore, various people captured moments with their family and friends. As a result, celebration is beneficial for people as they feel relaxed and fresh. On the other hand, people spend a lot of money on celebration. Firstly, some people show their wealth as they believe in show-off and they afford large functions. For instance, In business meetings employer booked dinner at expensive restaurant for their employees, this is wastage of money because people have their dinner at affordable restaurant. As a result, they should help the poor people. To sum up, there are various importance of celebrating events like they meet their family and relatives. Apart from this, spending extravagant money, people do show-off agreeing the huge functions.
In this contemporary world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
celebrate every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "moment"?
moments
of their life.
However
, it
is believed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that spending extravagant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. This essay will highlight the importance of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and reasons behind spending large amount of money.

To commence with, there are multifarious importance of celebrating occasion.
First
and foremost is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
-together with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and relatives. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it, In modern lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
locations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
separate from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Moreover
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
on function such as weddings, birthdays
as well
as anniversaries.
Therefore
, if they spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on parties
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them.
Besides
this, individuals create
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
memories in their life. When they recall memories, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
happy and emotional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.
Furthermore
, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
captured moments with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends.
As a result
, celebration is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they feel relaxed and fresh.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on celebration.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their wealth as they believe in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
show-off and
they afford large functions.
For instance
, In business
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "meetings'" or "meeting's"?
meetings
employer booked dinner at expensive restaurant for their employees, this is wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their dinner at affordable restaurant.
As a result
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To sum up, there are various importance of celebrating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and relatives. Apart from this, spending extravagant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
-off agreeing the huge functions.
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IELTS essay People spend too much on family celebrations such as birthdays and weddings? What are the importance of these celebration? Do you think people really spend too much?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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