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people spend more time on technology than library

people spend more time on technology than library OwOY7
Today, computer technology is becoming more and more advanced. Many people think that it is wasteful to spend money on maintaining public libraries because most of their functions can be replaced with computer technology. However, I firmly believe that library should never be disregarded by our society. On one hand, the development of computer science has brought about lots of benefits to our lives. Anyone could obtain and store a great amount of information online easily instead of going to public libraries to search for them. People can also read books on the move with their mobile devices such as iPhones, iPads, and so on. Furthermore, people do not have to remember the deadline to return the books. On the other hand, public libraries still have several advantages over the Internet. First, a library always plays an important role as a reliable learning resource. Indi- viduals could get access to sufficient data for their studies when they use public li- braries. Second, individuals have more chances to make new friends and exchange learning experience when studying in a library. This opportunity can rarely be found on studying in front of a computer. Compared with only studying via the Internet, students could study in a more quiet and professional environment for academic purposes such as doing researches or graduate thesis. In conclusion, I believe that both public libraries and computer technology are necessary for people to expand their knowledge. Therefore, public libraries will not disappear or be replaced by computer science in the near future because of their unique features and benefits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, computer technology is becoming more and more advanced.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is wasteful to spend money on maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of their functions can
be replaced
with computer technology.
However
, I
firmly
believe that library should never
be disregarded
by our society.

On one hand, the development of computer science has brought about lots of benefits to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Anyone could obtain and store a great amount of information online
easily
instead
of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries to search for them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
also
read books on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
with their mobile devices such as iPhones, iPads, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
remember the deadline to return the books.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries
still
have several advantages over the Internet.
First
, a library always plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role as a reliable learning resource.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Indi
-
Possible spelling mistake found.
viduals
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to sufficient data for their studies when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
Possible spelling mistake found.
li
-
Possible spelling mistake found.
braries
. Second, individuals have more chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends and exchange learning experience when studying in a library. This opportunity can rarely
be found
on studying in front of a computer. Compared with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
studying via the Internet, students could study in a more quiet and professional environment for academic purposes such as doing researches or graduate thesis.

In conclusion
, I believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries and computer technology are necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to expand their knowledge.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries will not disappear or
be replaced
by computer science in the near future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their unique features and benefits

IELTS essay people spend more time on technology than library

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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