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People spend large amounts of time and money on clothes, hairstyles and make up to change their appearance. Is it important for people to be concerned about the way they look? What are the consequences of focussing on physical appearance?

People spend large amounts of time and money on clothes, hairstyles and make up to change their appearance. Is it important for people to be concerned about the way they look? What are the consequences of focussing on physical appearance? DQJo
Nowadays, the social media mass has a high influence on our appearance. People see everywhere the best beauty tips and the newest trends. Moreover, the trends change every year what makes not easy to stay trendy. In this essay I would explain why it is not important how humans look and moreover what are the consequences about this attitude. To begin with the importance of the lookness. First of all, some would argue that the majority of humans are concerned about they appearance and I would not contribute this argument. Due to the fact, that the most people have the focus on social media where our lifestyle and looks are discussed. For instance, if brand new shoes are outcome, they will be presented from everybody. In contrast to this behavoir there are consequences. Firstly, if we just have a focus on what people wear or check if they follow the newest trends, we would be never open for a new personality. Secondly, when every human has this behavior, we would never have a diversity of personalities because everyone would the same like the other. For example, if a new hair trend comes out and everyone would have it, we never have a diversity of hairstyles. In my opinion, appearance should not be the important look which we have. We should be open minded and set our focus on the inner values of a human. If we all change our mind and be not superficial, we could make the world to a better place.
Nowadays, the social media mass has a high influence on our appearance.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
everywhere the best beauty tips and the newest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
every year what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
not easy to stay trendy. In this essay I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
look and
moreover
what are the
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "about". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences about
this attitude.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the importance of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
lookness
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would argue that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are concerned
about
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they appearance
and I would not contribute this argument. Due to the fact, that the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the focus on social media where our lifestyle and looks
are discussed
.
For instance
, if
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
shoes are outcome, they will
be presented
from everybody.

In contrast
to this
Possible spelling mistake found.
behavoir
there are consequences.
Firstly
, if we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
have a focus on what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
wear or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
if they follow the newest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
, we would be never open for a new personality.
Secondly
, when every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
has this behavior, we would never have a diversity of personalities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone would the same
Comparison is written 'the same ... "as"'.
like
the other.
For example
, if a new hair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
out and everyone would have it, we never have a diversity of hairstyles.

In my opinion, appearance should not be the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
look which we have. We should be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
open minded
and set our focus on the inner values of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
. If we all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our mind and be not superficial, we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world to a better place.
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IELTS essay People spend large amounts of time and money on clothes, hairstyles and make up to change their appearance. Is it important for people to be concerned about the way they look? What are the consequences of focussing on physical appearance?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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