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People should take time for hobbies or physical activity which is different from their work. Do you agree or disagree?

People should take time for hobbies or physical activity which is different from their work. BwGKw
Work is one of the major part of individual’s life. One will spend nearly 2/3rd time of their life time in working. Besides Work it is importat that individual can ejoy their life as well. That is why I agree with the statement that “People should take time for hobbies or physical activity which is different from their work. ” I feel this way for mainly two reasons, which I will explore in this essay. First and foremost, it helps people to reduce their stress which is accumulated throughout the day. Due to hectic life style of the people, hobbies allow to divert their mind from work and enjoy their life. Also, Hobbies is the great way to rejuvinate enrgy. Drawing from my own experience, I have work at Microsoft corporation as a software developer, I have nearly 8 hours of job, besides this I need to learn latest development that are made in technological field. Thus, It is really tiring to do all these jobs. Therefore, I prefer to play violin after finishing my work or whenever there is free slot of time available in my day. It helps me to relax and reliefe from stress. Thus, It is really beneficial if one can take some time off from their daily schedule and perform hobbies their hobbie. Furthermore, one can in their prime mind and physic shape if they take some time off for exercise during the day. Individual not only physically fit, but also become mentally fit as well. Due to work people often forget to take care thie mind and body which helps them perform to job, so exercise like activity helps to people to mentally as well as physically healthy. For example, I was working as a software developer at Microsoft corporation. In Software developer job, I develop software by coding. The backbone of the coding is problem solving. It is scientifically proven that exercise increase the mental ability, and it is true I exeprience the same, whichever day I do exercise, that day I could easily solve the problems. To conclude, I strongly believe that People should take time for hobbies or exercise. This is because hobbie allows one to reliefe their stress from their hectic life, beside this exercise like activity helps People to become more physical and mentally fit.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
is one of the major part of individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. One will spend
nearly
2/3rd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in working.
Besides
The comma is probably missing here: "Work, it".
Work it
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
importat
that individual
Possible spelling mistake found.
can ejoy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
.
That is
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that “
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
or physical activity which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. ” I feel this way for
mainly
two reasons, which I will explore in this essay.

First
and foremost, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
which
is accumulated
throughout the day. Due to hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to divert their mind from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hobbies
is the great way to
Possible spelling mistake found.
rejuvinate
Possible spelling mistake found.
enrgy
. Drawing from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, I have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at Microsoft corporation as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
developer, I have
nearly
8 hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
besides
this I need to learn
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
development that
are made
in technological field.
Thus
, It is
really
tiring to do all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Therefore
, I prefer to play violin after finishing my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or whenever there is free slot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
available in my day. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
me to relax and
Possible spelling mistake found.
reliefe
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Thus
, It is
really
beneficial if one can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off from their daily schedule and perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
hobbie
.

Furthermore
, one can in their prime mind and physic shape if they take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
during the day. Individual not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physically
fit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
become mentally fit
as well
. Due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
forget to take care
Possible spelling mistake found.
thie
mind and body which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them perform to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
like activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to mentally
as well
as
physically
healthy.
For example
, I was working as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
developer at Microsoft corporation. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Software
developer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, I develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
by coding. The backbone of the coding is problem solving. It is
scientifically
proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
increase the mental ability, and it is true I
Possible spelling mistake found.
exeprience
the same, whichever day I do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, that day I could
easily
solve the problems.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
hobbie
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
one to
Possible spelling mistake found.
reliefe
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from their hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, beside this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
like activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
to become more physical and mentally fit.

IELTS essay People should take time for hobbies or physical activity which is different from their work.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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