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people should spend money on things that are long lasting like jewerly rather than in personal short lived pleasures like traveling

people should spend money on things that are long lasting like jewerly rather than in personal short lived pleasures like traveling 85JLl
It is critically importat that we know how to manage our budget in order for us to live a happy live. I am of the opinion that people should invest more in things that last longer. I hold this idea for some reasons that I will elaborate in the following essay. To begin with, stocking expensive goods like jewerly, somehow gives you the feeling of being secure financially. When you are financially stabel you do not have to worry a lot if you lose the job. I feel this way due to my personale experience. Ten years ago when I got married, my mother in law gave me some jewerly that were gold. After few years my country faced an economical crise and most of the people lost their jobs. Myself was one of those individuals. Unexpectally I got fired and I was not able to find another job for almost a year. During this time, I was able to sell some of my jewerly in order to feed my kids. So, if I would not have saved something valuable like gold I cannot imagine how I was going to survive. Moreover, expensive jewerly are also beautiful especially for women who can wear them at any kind of event. For instance, my friend graduated last year from medical school. She organized a graduation party at her house. Besides the beautiful dress she had worn she also had expensive earrings and neckle that matches and they gave her more charm and made her look prety. As you can see, there are a lot of benefits from buying expensive and long-lasting stuff. In conclusion, I would say that it is a smart way to invest our money in durable things, because it will help you feel secure economically.
It is
critically
Possible spelling mistake found.
importat
that we know how to manage our budget in order for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. I am of the opinion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should invest more in things that last longer. I hold this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that I will elaborate in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, stocking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
jewerly
, somehow gives you the feeling of being secure
financially
. When you are
financially
Possible spelling mistake found.
stabel
you do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry a lot if you lose the job. I feel this way due to my
Possible spelling mistake found.
personale
experience. Ten years ago when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married, my
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
mother in law
gave me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
jewerly
that were gold. After few years my country faced an economical
Possible spelling mistake found.
crise
and most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lost their jobs. Myself was one of those individuals.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Unexpectally
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fired and
I was not able to find another job for almost a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. During this time, I was able to sell
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my
Possible spelling mistake found.
jewerly
in order to feed my kids.
“So , if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, if
I would not have saved something valuable like gold I cannot imagine how I was going to survive.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
Possible spelling mistake found.
jewerly
are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
especially
for women who can wear them at any kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
For instance
, my friend graduated last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
from medical school. She organized a graduation party at her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Besides
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
dress she had worn she
also
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
earrings and
Possible spelling mistake found.
neckle
that
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
matches and
they gave her more charm and made her look
Possible spelling mistake found.
prety
. As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits from buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
and long-lasting stuff.

In conclusion
, I would say that it is a smart way to invest our money in durable things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you feel secure
economically
.

IELTS essay people should spend money on things that are long lasting like jewerly rather than in personal short lived pleasures like traveling

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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