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People should only concentrate on a single skill for life because it is the best way to succeed To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

People should only concentrate on a single skill for life because it is the best way to succeed with this opinion? rL0bo
It is a common belief that it is not necessary to have art and music classes. I firmly believe that these subjects should be compulsory at school because they can help students more creative. To begin with, I found students can foster creativity by learning how to draw, sing or perform a song. Sometimes, students who have no time to do these activities at home or outside the school will be able to carry them out. In this way, students can confidently express themselves through their performance. In addition, art subjects can boost communication feelings. For instance, children who attend art and music classes are more confident and creative than peers who do not. At a young age, children's thoughts may be simple but highly creative. They should be given a chance to show up their creativity. On top of that, I think these classes can create opportunities for students to relieve stress. Art and music should be added as a minor subject besides the intensive course. This is a brilliant way for students to take a break from stressful lessons. For example, some studies demonstrate that doing creative work can reduce stress. By no thinking about the serious problem and spending time on another work more creative, students can reduce stress quite effectively. Then, they can back to their task with mental clarity and comfort. To sum up, art and music classes not only help students' creativity be promoted but also create opportunities for students to relieve stress. For these reasons, holding art and music classes at school very significant and essential.
It is a common belief that it is not necessary to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
classes.

I
firmly
believe that these subjects should be compulsory at school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more creative.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I found
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can foster creativity by learning how to draw, sing or perform a song.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have no time to do these activities at home or outside the school will be able to carry them out. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
confidently
express themselves through their performance.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
subjects can boost communication feelings.

For instance
, children who attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
are more confident and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
than peers who do not. At a young age, children's thoughts may be simple
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
. They should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up their creativity.

On top of that
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
can create opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
as a minor subject
besides
the intensive course. This is a brilliant way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to take a break from stressful lessons.

For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
studies demonstrate that doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
work can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. By no thinking about the serious problem and spending time on another work more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
quite
effectively
. Then, they can back to their task with mental clarity and comfort.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students' creativity
be promoted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
create opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

For these reasons, holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
at school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant and essential.
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IELTS essay People should only concentrate on a single skill for life because it is the best way to succeed with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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