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People should keep all the money they earn and they should not pay the tax to the state. Do you agree or disagree?

People should keep all the money they earn and they should not pay the tax to the state. 8jGl
People think that it is better to save the earnings of society within their pocket, rather than contribute to the government budget by paying tax. I am inclined to oppose this view because there are governmental expenses such as providing low-income people with basic needs (e. g. food, shelter and medical care), and the state also ensures the safety of citizens. Taxes help to cover above mentioned expenditures. To commence with, some segments of the population, for whatever reason, are not able to earn even for things that will support their health and life. This group includes elderly people, people with disabilities and orphans. To support such people, the state pays them pensions and benefits, opens retirement homes and orphanages. The taxes that are paid by the capable stratum of the population are used to help incapacitated people. If people leave them without support, the number of deaths among the elderly will increase. Disabled people will be left homeless and without food, and children from orphanages will be left without education and receiving a future specialty. They will not have a chance to start a right life and because of them, disorder and crime will begin on the streets, as they will need to find a means of subsistence. Moreover, the taxes also pay the salaries of the army, police and fire services. The state is obliged to ensure the safety of the people, but they are also obliged to pay salaries to the above services, otherwise no one will go to protect the state, its people and property, since people working in these positions also have expenses and their families that they must support. Without the work of the police and special services, riots will begin in the streets, people will be killed, there will be a lot of arson, which will also not be extinguished. To recapitulate briefly, if there is no taxes, there is no money in the state budget so that, the state is not able to support some layers of the society with basic needs and it cannot ensure people with safety.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is better to save the earnings of society within their pocket,
rather
than contribute to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
budget by paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
. I
am inclined
to oppose this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are governmental expenses such as providing low-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with basic needs (
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
food, shelter and medical care), and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
also
ensures the safety of citizens.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Taxes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to cover above mentioned expenditures.

To commence with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
segments of the population, for whatever reason, are not able to earn even for things that will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their health and life. This group includes elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with disabilities and orphans. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
pays them pensions and benefits, opens retirement homes and orphanages. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
that
are paid
by the capable stratum of the population are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
incapacitated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
, the number of deaths among the elderly will increase. Disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
homeless and without food, and children from orphanages will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
without education and receiving a future specialty. They will not have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a right life and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of them, disorder and crime will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
on the streets, as they will need to find a means of subsistence.

Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
also
pay the salaries of the army, police and fire services. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
is obliged
to ensure the safety of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
also
obliged to pay salaries to the above services,
otherwise
no one will go to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and property, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in these positions
also
have expenses and their families that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
. Without the work of the police and special services, riots will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
in the streets,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be killed
, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
arson, which will
also
not
be extinguished
.

To recapitulate
briefly
, if there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
, there is no money in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
budget
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
is not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
layers of the society with basic needs and it cannot ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with safety.
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IELTS essay People should keep all the money they earn and they should not pay the tax to the state.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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