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People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. pGDL
In the modern busy life, there are a large number of immigrants who have been willing to have a comfortable life in other nations. Many advocate that people should conform to the local customs and traditions when they settle in a new country. From my respective, I strongly agree with this idea because of some problems and benefits that people can face with them. There are two important reasons why newcomers should blend into the local culture in the host country. Firstly, the refusal to adapt to host environment would create a cultural barrier for immigrants. This leads to social isolation, which has negative influences on people’s lives. Secondly, it is logical/true that limited knowledge of local customs may result in some illegal actions in the host country and make local/native people unpleased. For instance, in Singapore, one of the cleanest countries in Asia, local residents consider anyone dirty and ill-mannered if they litter the street or spit gum in the public. Newcomers can gain some benefits if they adopt the customs and traditions of a new country. One benefit is that if immigrants behave in accordance with the local norms, they will be accepted easily by local inhabitants, and as a result, they can receive/gain respects and affections as well as some help from the local. For example, when the enterprises want to expand their production in a new country, they must be aware of business practices there, which provides them with useful information to maximise profits. Another benefit is that newcomers might gain the richness of knowledge by virtue of the local customs and traditions, which enables them to actively participate in the activities of the community. In many festivals, people are able to participate/join freely and feel harmonious like their own country. In conclusion, I would argue that people who dwell in a new country should follow the customs and traditions which local people observe.
In the modern busy life, there are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
immigrants who have been willing to have a comfortable life in other nations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should conform to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
customs and
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traditions
when they settle in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. From my respective, I
strongly
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agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
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some
problems and
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benefits
that
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people
can face with them.

There are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons why newcomers should blend into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
culture in the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Firstly
, the refusal to adapt to host environment would create a cultural barrier for immigrants. This leads to social isolation, which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on
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people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Secondly
, it is logical/true that limited knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
customs may result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illegal actions in the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
local/native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
unpleased
.
For instance
, in Singapore, one of the cleanest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in Asia,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents consider anyone dirty and ill-mannered if they litter the street or spit gum in the public.

Newcomers can gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
if they adopt the customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
is that if immigrants behave in accordance with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
norms, they will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
easily
by
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local
inhabitants, and
as a result
, they can receive/gain respects and affections
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
.
For example
, when the enterprises want to expand their production in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aware of business practices there, which provides them with useful information to
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximise' is British English.
maximise
profits. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
is that newcomers might gain the richness of knowledge by virtue of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
, which enables them to
actively
participate in the activities of the community. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
festivals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to participate/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
freely
and feel harmonious like their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country.

In conclusion
, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who dwell in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should follow the customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
observe.

IELTS essay People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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