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People should check news that even cannot affect their daily life

People should check news that even cannot affect their daily life gAblA
It is critically important that we stay aware of the things happening around us, the ones directly affecting our lives. In my opinion, people should focus on the events that matter, instead of checking the news that won't affect our lives. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First, I frequently hear from my friends and relatives that they always complain how they are busy and cannot find time to spend with their families, since everyone works more nowadays than they used to work in the past. Working hard and not finding leisure time to spend with friends affect people's mental health because everyone needs to forget what is happening around them and relax, which can help them succeed in their daily works and relationships. My personal experience is an excellent example. Regardless the news would change or affect my life, I try to check each of them. It stresses me out, and I can't focus on my work. Two years ago, I was assigned to complete a project, but in the middle of the project, I noticed that instead of searching about my work on the internet, I try to check the news that doesn't matter. My boss saw this and fired me and put me in a bad situation. Conversely, my brother never checks the news that is less likely to affect his life. He mainly focuses on his work and says that our time is both limited and valuable, which resulted in a promotion in his job position. Had I focused on my work instead of checking events worldwide, I would have become my boss now. Second, finding a new career today is much more challenging than in the past and needs a very specialized and expert person, which means we should learn a wide variety of topics. Instead of checking events that its effect is negligible in our daily life, we can learn new things to improve our position in our job. Indeed, learning new subjects needs to focus entirely and lots of time, effort, and dedication. Consider the experience mentioned above as an example. My brother spent his time in front of the computer to take extra online courses related to his job, which helped him get outstanding promotions. If I had spent the time and effort that I put on checking non-useful events, I would have found my dream career working in NASA. In conclusion, I strongly believe that people should value their own time and spend it on useful things instead of checking events that are happening in the world. This is because checking news wastes most of our time and because we can spend time learning new things to improve our position in work or find our dream job.
It is
critically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that we stay aware of the things happening around us, the ones
directly
affecting our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
that matter,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
checking
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that won't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

First
, I
frequently
hear from my friends and relatives that they always complain how they are busy and cannot find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with their families, since everyone works more nowadays than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the past. Working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and not finding leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mental health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone needs to forget what is happening around them and relax, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them succeed in their daily works and relationships. My personal experience is an excellent example. Regardless the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
my life, I try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
each of them. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
me out, and I can't focus on my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Two years ago, I
was assigned
to complete a project,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the middle of the project, I noticed that
instead
of searching about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on the internet, I try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that doesn't matter. My boss
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
this and fired me and put me in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation.

Conversely
, my brother never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that is
less likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
his life. He
mainly
focuses on his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and says that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is both limited and valuable, which resulted in a promotion in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position. Had I focused on my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
checking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
worldwide, I would have become my boss
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

Second, finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
career
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is much more challenging than in the past and needs a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
specialized and expert person, which means we should learn a wide variety of topics.
Instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
checking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
that its effect is negligible in our daily life, we can learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our position in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Indeed
, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
subjects needs to focus
entirely
and lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, effort, and dedication. Consider the experience mentioned above as an example. My brother spent his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of the computer to take extra online courses related to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
outstanding promotions. If I had spent the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and effort that I put on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
checking
non-useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, I would have found my dream career working in NASA.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should value their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
it on useful things
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
checking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
that are happening in the world. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
checking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
wastes most of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our position in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or find our dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
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IELTS essay People should check news that even cannot affect their daily life

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
465 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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