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students should focus on a particular range of subject or study evenly

students should focus on a particular range of subject or study evenly RwVJQ
In this day and age, most children enjoy the right to receive education but it is not within their power to decide what subjects they will study. This has led to a controversial issue that whether school should teach all the subjects evenly or concentrate on teaching only a few selected subjects relating to a certain sphere of career. Personally speaking, I endorses the second one as it builds a solid foundation for tertiary education and helps students to develop with their true passionateness. From my point of view, giving students the right to study only a narrow range of subjects but related to a particular career is synonymous with create a window of opportunities for them to be nurtured in specialized knowledge and skill supporting for their future career because in the era of overloaded information, concentrating on a few subjects would be a rational learning choice. One reason behind this is it will be really hard for students to solve and soak all the subjects’s knowledge at the same time. Many students struggling in a battle against time trying to complete their homework and some of them have to face the risk of depression and stress at a young age, then, by the time, consequently the quality of education on the whole will go downhill despite of all the students’s and teachers’s efforts. On the other hand, there are still some benefits of teaching a wide range of subject at school. Especially when they’re still too young and haven’t decided what is their passionateness, hence, they should be given chances to experience as many different subjects as possible in order to find out their interest one. Take Germany, for example students in this country only have to study evenly a wide range of subject until grade five and then they are allowed to study whatever they want as long as that is their interest or their strong suit. Besides, according to the survey data, 70% of the toppers in all universities in India had studied only a particular range of subjects related to their discipline when they were still secondary students. In short, weighing up both side of this issue, I reckon that secondary syllabus content should be narrowed down in order to support students on focusing to their future career preparation.
In this day and age, most children enjoy the right to receive education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not within their power to decide

what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. This has led to a controversial issue that whether school should teach all the

subjects
evenly
or concentrate on teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a few selected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
relating to a certain sphere of career.

Personally
speaking, I
The pronoun 'I' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "endorse"
endorses
the second one as it builds a solid foundation for tertiary education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps


students to develop with their true
Possible spelling mistake found.
passionateness
.

From my point of view, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a narrow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
range
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
related to a

particular career is synonymous with create a window of opportunities for them to
be nurtured
in

specialized knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
supporting for their future career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the era of overloaded

information, concentrating on a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
would be a rational learning choice. One reason behind this is

it will be
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to solve and soak all the
Did you mean "subject’s" or "subjects’"?
subjects’s
knowledge at the same time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many


students struggling in a battle against time trying to complete their homework and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to


face the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of depression and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
at a young age, then, by the time,
consequently
the quality of

education
on the whole
will go downhill
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
all the
Did you mean "student’s" or "students’"?
students’s
and
Did you mean "teacher’s" or "teachers’"?
teachers’s
efforts.

On the other hand
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of teaching a wide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
range
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
at school.
Especially


when they’re
still
too young and haven’t decided what is their
Possible spelling mistake found.
passionateness
,
hence
, they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given


chances to experience as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as possible in order to find out their interest one. Take

Germany,
for example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in this country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
evenly
a wide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
range
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
until grade

Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
five and
then they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
whatever they want as long as
that is
their interest or their strong

suit.
Besides
, according to the survey data, 70% of the toppers in all universities in India had studied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a

particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
range
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
related to their discipline when they were
still
secondary students.

In short, weighing up both side of this issue, I reckon that secondary syllabus content should
be narrowed
down in

order to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
on focusing to their future career preparation.
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IELTS essay students should focus on a particular range of subject or study evenly

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
384 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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