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People should be retired at the age of 60 or they should work as long as they want? To what extent do you agree or disagree.

People should be retired at the age of 60 or they should work as long as they want? RNRA8
It is argued that, at 60th age, are they should go to retirement otherwise they shouldn't give up from work. In my opinion, I think, they should be retired at 60th age. First of all, at getting older people losing their concentration of production because day by day their thinking ability decreasing. They cannot cope up so readily with the new technological era, which can affect their production place and also the creation of job. So, at this time they should give up from trial. For example, in Bangladesh, the retirement age maturity of people strictly maintained after 60. Secondly, if older people don't give up their position, there has no place for young generation. Young people more enthusiastic to show their creativity in job field, but if the older generation not going retirement, there has no possibility for younger people to fill up the place and showing their ability. In addition, young people are more energetic and more updated than older one. For example, in Bangladesh appointment perspective, in work advertisement employers find young energetic person for specific appointment specially for sales. In conclusion, though older people are much experienced, but they should give up from task after a certain period of time because it is important not only for their old age but also for the younger generation.
It
is argued
that, at 60th age, are they should go to retirement
otherwise
they shouldn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up from work. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, they should
be retired
at 60th age.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, at getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
losing their concentration of production
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
day by day their thinking ability decreasing. They cannot cope up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
readily
with the new technological era, which can affect their production place and
also
the creation of job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, at this time they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up from trial.
For example
, in Bangladesh, the retirement age maturity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
strictly
maintained after 60.

Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up their position, there has no place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more enthusiastic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their creativity in job field,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation not going retirement, there has no possibility for younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to fill up the place and showing their ability.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more energetic and more updated than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
one.
For example
, in Bangladesh appointment perspective, in work advertisement employers find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
energetic person for specific appointment
specially
for sales.

In conclusion
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are much experienced,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up from task after a certain period of time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the younger generation.

IELTS essay People should be retired at the age of 60 or they should work as long as they want?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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