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People should be allowed to obscure their identity online. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

People should be allowed to obscure their identity online. with this statement? PVP5j
It is true that social media and other online platforms have become a powerful communication tool. Some people believe that to maintain the order as well as the security of the online world, people should be transparent about who they are and where they come from. However, I believe that Internet users should have the right to be anonymous. On the one hand, should everyone be provided with an identification to access the virtual world, the incidence of cybercrime and online abuses would significantly diminish. Firstly, granted online access would integrate the two separate worlds, and, what offenders committed in the online realm would not be punished any less severely than for what they did in the actual world. Therefore, potential offenders would be more aware of the possibility of being caught and the subsequent punishments. Moreover, since most cyber-bullies take advantage of multiple online accounts that they use to attack their victims online, the one and only valid online identification would deprive them of the tools of hurting people in the first place. On the other hand, people should have the right to remain synonymous online as they do in reality. Be it online or offline conversations, people only exercise the freedom of speech to the fullest when there are no threats of later punishments by people of authority or of personal revenge. Recent cases of Me too campaigns, which are a response from females and feminists to the oppression and abuses committed by their male employers are a gold example. If they were not allowed to conceal their names and personal information, far less abused women would come forward to bring their super-ordinates’ sexual harassment to light. In conclusion, even though an official online identification could act as a deterrence for online crimes, it undermines human rights to freedom of speech and precludes the possibility of sensitive cases of offences being reported.
It is true that social media and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms have become a powerful communication tool.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that to maintain the order
as well
as the security of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be transparent about who they are and where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from.
However
, I believe that Internet users should have the right to be anonymous.

On the one hand, should everyone
be provided
with an identification to access the virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, the incidence of cybercrime and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
abuses would
significantly
diminish.
Firstly
, granted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
access would integrate the two separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worlds
, and, what offenders committed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
realm would not
be punished
any less
severely
than for what they did in the actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Therefore
, potential offenders would be more aware of the possibility of
being caught
and the subsequent punishments.
Moreover
, since most cyber-bullies take advantage of multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
accounts that they
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
attack their victims
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, the one and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
valid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
identification would deprive them of the tools of hurting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
first
place.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have the right to remain synonymous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
as they do in reality. Be it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
or offline conversations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
exercise the freedom of speech to the fullest when there are no threats of later punishments by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of authority or of personal revenge. Recent cases of Me too campaigns, which are a response from females and feminists to the oppression and abuses committed by their male employers are a gold example. If they were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to conceal their names and personal information, far less abused women would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to bring their super-ordinates’ sexual harassment to light.

In conclusion
,
even though
an official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
identification could act as a deterrence for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
crimes, it undermines human rights to freedom of speech and precludes the possibility of sensitive cases of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
being reported
.
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IELTS essay People should be allowed to obscure their identity online. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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