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people prefer to leave their hometown or small community

people prefer to leave their hometown or small community 8Q90P
Nowadays, more and more people prefer to leave their hometown and move to a big city to live and work. However, in the past, a lot of individuals lived in small villages. In my opinion, I think there is a part of advantages and disadvantages of staying in a small community. There were many positive things about living in small villages. Firstly, inhabitants within the hometown could have an in-depth relationship so you never feel alone. If you have a problem, you will quickly receive help. Secondly, life there was peaceful and safe because there were low crime rates and no traffic jams. Thirdly, the living cost was low, so it was easy to live there. On the other hand, living in a small community even have a lot of weaknesses. First of all, the shortage of services like schools, hospitals, accommodation, … There did not have a good education and healthcare services; so it makes the living standard lower than in the city. In comparison, people live in a small village would have fewer opportunities to find the job. Due to the shortage of jobs, there were low incomes. Finally, the bad conditions of living were serious issues too. Because they cause many dangerous diseases. To conclude, the disadvantages of living in a small community outweigh the benefits as I said above. To sum up, I do not recommend living in the small villages.
Nowadays, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their hometown and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and work.
However
, in the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there is a part of advantages and disadvantages of staying in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
community.

There were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
things about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
.
Firstly
, inhabitants within the hometown could have an in-depth relationship
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you never feel alone. If you have a problem, you will
quickly
receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Secondly
, life there was peaceful and safe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there were low crime rates and no traffic jams.
Thirdly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
cost was low,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it was easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
community even have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
weaknesses.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the shortage of services like schools, hospitals, accommodation, … There did not have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education and healthcare services;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standard lower than in the city.
In comparison
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
would have fewer opportunities to find the job. Due to the shortage of jobs, there were low incomes.
Finally
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
conditions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
were serious issues too.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases.

To conclude
, the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
community outweigh the benefits as I said above. To sum up, I do not recommend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
.
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IELTS essay people prefer to leave their hometown or small community

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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