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People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our lives

People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our lives 6VQ0
What type of life we are living in where we don't have moral values, aim, respect. It is true that people have become materialistic and have forgotten their moral values but there are factors which effected the life of every individuals ubiquitously. I will shed some light on the cause of this situation in below paragraph and certainly will support the statement that people have lost their traditional values, customs and have become materialistic. To start with the rise in technologies in each sector, be it communication technology, space technology, food processing technologies, construction technologies and other supporting technologies which brings comforts to the life of human being has changed the life style. People around the world migrate to big cities or even to developed countries in order to achieve luxurious life style. Boom in the technologies has provided better health care system, transport modes, education system, communication system which improved the life of everyone. On the flip side, people have to work hard for long time to earn more and subsequently creating chaos to their personal and professional life immensely.  Furthermore, while people leave their town, village, country they also leave the ethics, customs behind. This is true that money can buy comfort but cannot buy joy. Thus, they are sad deep inside their hearts. They miss their family, childhood friends. People have become money minded, cunning and they usually cheat with others. In conclusion, while earning more money for the betterment of life is generous but leaving their own values inherited from the ancestors should not be molded. Hence, in my opinion one should work hard to balance the work and life.
What type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
we are living in where we don't have moral values, aim, respect. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become materialistic and have forgotten their moral values
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are factors which effected the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "individual"?
individuals
ubiquitously
. I will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on the cause of this situation in below paragraph and
certainly
will support the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have lost their traditional values, customs and have become materialistic.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with the rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
in each sector, be it communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, food processing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and other supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
which brings comforts to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of human being has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
around the world migrate to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities or even to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
in order to achieve luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style. Boom in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
has provided better health care system, transport modes, education system, communication system which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of everyone.

On the flip side,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for long time to earn more and
subsequently
creating chaos to their personal and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
immensely
.  
Furthermore
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their town, village, country they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the ethics, customs behind. This is true that money can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
comfort
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
joy.
Thus
, they are sad deep inside their hearts. They miss their family, childhood friends.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have become money minded,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cunning and
they
usually
cheat with others.

In conclusion
, while earning more money for the betterment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is generous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
leaving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
values inherited from the ancestors should not
be molded
.
Hence
, in my opinion one should work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to balance the work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our lives

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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