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People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past.What do you think is the reason behind this ? and what are the effects on individuals and people around them?

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? and what are the effects on individuals and people around them? QL86P
In today's life more and more individuals have less hours of sleep than before. There are several causes contributing to this problem as well as potential effects on both individuals and people surrounding them. This essay will discuss extra work being the major contributing factor of sleep deprivation along with less prodectivity, more irratibility and health problems as possible effects of this problem. These days, life is getting more expensive, and making ends meet is becoming tough for most many people, as a result taking extra shifts is one way to earn an extra income. Consequently people tend to work more in expend of getting enough sleep. For instance, many workers take night shifts in addition to their regular day-job to make more money and by consequence they can only sleep 3 or 4 hours per night. Leading a fast paced lifestyle that entice people to take extra shifts instead of having enough sleep have drastic effects, such as a remarquable decrease in their productivity and this can lead to problems at the workplace since employers always require to have employee at their best conditions to ensure getting the greatest result. Furthermore Lack of sleep may affect physical and mental health: people become more irritated and quick to anger. Morever it may cause intence fatigue, low energy levels, and even serious problems from weight gain to a weakned immune system. To summerize, the higher life expenses and the need to work extra hours has contributed to getting less than 7 hours of sleep. If individuals continue to be sleep deprived, this new trend could cause harmful effects in terms of their productivity and also on their mental and physica well being, thing that will not only affect their own life but will also impact their personal and profesional relationships.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
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life
more and more individuals have less
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hours
of
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sleep
than
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before
. There are several causes contributing to this
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problem
as well
as potential effects on both individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
surrounding them. This essay will discuss
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
work being the major contributing factor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
deprivation along with less
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prodectivity
, more
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irratibility
and health
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problems
as possible effects of this problem.

These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is getting more expensive, and making ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
is becoming tough for most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
as a result
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
shifts is one way to earn an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
income.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
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people
tend to work more in expend of getting
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enough
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sleep
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers take night shifts
in addition
to their regular day-job to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money and by consequence they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
3 or 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per night.

Leading a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced lifestyle that entice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
shifts
instead
of having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
have drastic effects, such as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
remarquable
decrease in their productivity and this can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
at the workplace since employers always require to have employee at their best conditions to ensure getting the greatest result.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
Lack of
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sleep
may affect physical and mental health:
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people
become more irritated and quick to anger.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Morever
it may cause
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intence
fatigue, low energy levels, and even serious
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problems
from weight gain to a
Possible spelling mistake found.
weakned
immune system.

To
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summerize
, the higher
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life
expenses and the need to work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
has contributed to getting less than 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
. If individuals continue to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
deprived, this new trend could cause harmful effects in terms of their productivity and
also
on their mental and
Possible spelling mistake found.
physica
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
, thing that will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
impact their personal and
Possible spelling mistake found.
profesional
relationships.
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IELTS essay People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? and what are the effects on individuals and people around them?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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