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people nowadays sleep less. what problems does it cause? how to solve this problem?

people nowadays sleep less. what problems does it cause? how to solve this problem? bEx2g
and exhausted. I came to this based on my own experience when I failed serious job project because of extreme exhaustion and inability to concentrate as a result of long time sleep disturbance. To continue, people need to find a balance between sleeping and other usual essential activities in their daily routine. First of all, it is vital to have a definite sleep schedule, which in it's turn is a unique way of self care. However if the situation is yet out of control, it is desirable to start a rehabilitation course directed to sleep and physical and mental strength recovery. As I read in a newspaper article, that the recovery in sleep rehabilitation centers guarantees 80% positive results if all the points being kept up. In conclusion, lack of sleep being an essential problem may lead to adverse circumstances, which, fortunately are solvable by means of sleep balancing schedules and special treatment courses.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
exhausted. I came to this based on my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience when I failed serious job project
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of extreme exhaustion and inability to concentrate
as a result
of long time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
disturbance.

To continue,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to find a balance between sleeping and other usual essential activities in their daily routine.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is vital to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
schedule, which in
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
turn is a unique way of self care.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
if the situation is
yet
out of control, it is desirable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a rehabilitation course directed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
and physical and mental strength recovery. As I read in a newspaper article, that the recovery in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
rehabilitation centers guarantees 80%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results if all the points being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
up.

In conclusion
, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
being an essential problem may lead to adverse circumstances, which,
fortunately
are solvable by means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
balancing schedules and special treatment courses.
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IELTS essay people nowadays sleep less. what problems does it cause? how to solve this problem?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
154 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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