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People nowadays are more interested in technology rather than their physical fitness .to what extent do you agree or disagree?

People nowadays are more interested in technology rather than their physical fitness. g53Ka
Nowadays, the many people are using the technology for their different purposes while they cannot spend much time looking after their physical fitness. Therefore, I strongly agree with this statement and following this essay will explain my viewpoints in detail and then I'll reach to a proper conclusion. On the one hand, It can be said that, technology is playing an important role in the society which provides many benefits. Firstly, people is now starting to use the various equipments such as Smart Phones, Computers, Laptops and the Other devices for their daily activities, as a result of this, people are now enjoying the easy, relax and reliable lifestyle thanks to this development in the information technology. Moreover, such of the technological gadgets have made the effective lives of those people, who are having the busy lives. Besides, It also true that, the people do not have the enough time to concentrate about their health. Especially, the busy people are also now preferringalso now preferringalso now preferringalso now prefer to spend their time with Phones, laptops or with the computers even after their work. Such of the people are even spending their leisure time by using the such devices instead of exercising. Exercising is an important activity which ensures the healthy lifestyle, though today has a lack of concern about this matter. In addition to this, lack of these health concerns can lead to the several health issues such as Cholesterol, High Blood Pressure, Diabetics, Weight Gain. . . Etc. Finally, To conclude this, it can be said that, the people have to be more concern about their health instead spending their time in the technological equipments which can lead to many more problems in the near future.
Nowadays, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using the technology for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes while they cannot spend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
looking after their physical fitness.
Therefore
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and following this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my viewpoints in detail and then I'll reach to a proper conclusion.

On the one hand, It can
be said
that, technology is playing an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the society which provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
starting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the various equipments such as Smart Phones, Computers, Laptops and the Other devices for their daily activities,
as a result
of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
enjoying the easy, relax and reliable lifestyle thanks to this development in the information technology.
Moreover
, such of the technological gadgets have made the effective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are having the busy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Besides
, It
also
true that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to concentrate about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Especially
, the busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
preferringalso
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
preferringalso
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
preferringalso
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
prefer to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with Phones, laptops or with the computers even after their work. Such of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are even spending their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by using the such devices
instead
of exercising. Exercising is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
activity which ensures the healthy lifestyle, though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
has a lack of concern about this matter.
In addition
to this, lack of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
concerns can lead to the several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues such as Cholesterol, High Blood Pressure, Diabetics, Weight Gain.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Etc.

Finally
,
To conclude
this, it can
be said
that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be more concern about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
instead
spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the technological equipments which can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more problems in the near future.
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IELTS essay People nowadays are more interested in technology rather than their physical fitness.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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